Piece By Piece
by The Atlantean
Summary: Miley puzzles over why her best friend decided to take her own life away. Slowly she tries to fit the pieces together. Contains suicide. Rated T for this reason. Loliver and Jiley!
1. Looking Back

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own Hannah Montana. Despressing isn't it?

**Chapter 1: Looking Back**

Have you ever woken up thinking that today is going to be the same as any other day? That it will be the same dull, boring day that you think is one less day till Friday?

You might wake up on that day, nervous perhaps a test you have or maybe getting marks back.

In my opinion those are the days to treasure because I thought like that but I don't anymore. Because in one instant, those days can do a 180 and turn into a much more interesting day.

Maybe you won the lottery, or maybe you got a new car? Perhaps you got a call from a radio show telling you won a prize of concert tickets or money. Because I got a call and it definitely wasn't The Edge telling me I won concert tickets to Lady Gaga.

I now officially envy people who say that they had a pretty uneventful day. It seemed so unfair but then again life isn't fair.

Names' Miley Stewart and for a while I thought my life was simply the best. I had a wonderful father and even though me and my brother fought, we loved each other and I couldn't have asked for a better brother (believe me I've tried). I had two best friends who have gone through everything with me. Their names are Oliver Oken and Lilly Truscott. Oliver was a dorky kind of guy but he was a nice guy who was there for me. Lilly, now Lilly is like my sister. I couldn't have asked for a better friend who is always, always there for me.

Not only that but I was also the teen pop sensation Hannah Montana. Fans loved me and I was a role model for so many little kids. Life sure was good.

But then my perfect world came crashing down……..in one instant.

I should have seen the signs that pointed to this. Man was I stupid back then! It may have seemed obvious now but back then it wasn't.

The day I found out was like a stain in my memory. Ever spilt something that you couldn't get out and every time you see it, it's a constant reminder of what happened? Yeah, it was a lot like that.

I shall never forget the day it happened.

I thought it was a regular day: wake up, eat, go to school, eat, do homework, eat do a Hannah concert, eat and then go to sleep.

That is not always the case it seems.

_-Flashback-_

_I had just finished my final song (Let's Get Crazy for the night. . _

"_Good show darling." My Dad said, placing his hand on my back, when I came backstage._

"_Thanks Daddy!" I said hugging him and then grabbing something to drink. _

_Dads' phone then went off._

_We both checked the caller ID. Dad didn't like this person very much. I looked at Dad._

"_Be nice." I said raising my eyebrows. _

"_Fine." He said picking up._

"_Hello………yes speaking……aha……alright………yeah………calm down……calm down, I can't hear you………aha………alright, we'll be right over." He hung up._

"_What was that all about?" I asked taking a sip of my drink. _

"_That was Ms Truscott; she said something has to tell us. We got to go to her house, like right now."_

"_Okay." I said wondering what was going on. _

_Maybe they're moving. No, Lilly would have told me today. I didn't know what would happen. I had to get changed in the limo because we were going straight over to Lillys'. I wonder if Dad knew what was going on. It seemed like he didn't. _

_Half an hour later, we arrived at her house. I had barely stepped outside my house before I saw Oliver and his family run up to meet us._

"_Do you know what is going on?" He asked looking confused._

_I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders._

"_Not a clue." _

"_Oh." Oliver said._

_We walked up to the house together; both wondering what is in store for us. _

_We reached the house, Oliver rang the doorbell and Mr Truscott answered it. I received a shock when I saw him. His clothes were ragged, his face was stained with tears and he looked a mess._

_I took a step back. _

"_What's going on?" I asked looking worried._

_He just shook his head._

"_Come in." He said in a wary voice._

_We all stumbled in: The Okens, Oliver, Dad and I. Jackson was already here with a confused look on his face. I looked around at the familiar faces. They all looked lost and confused. I felt like someone was missing but at that time I couldn't place it._

"_Do you know what is going on?" Jackson asked me as soon as I walked through the door._

"_Nope." _

"_Oh." He had the same reaction as Oliver. _

_Mr Truscott showed us into the kitchen were Ms Truscott had her head in her arms, crying over a piece of paper it looked like._

_But as soon as she heard us, she looked up. _

"_What's going on?" I asked, feeling lost. _

_Ms Truscott couldn't speak it seemed._

_Mr Truscott cleared his throat._

"_We, um, we have something to tell you." He said._

_Ms Truscott nodded._

"_Okay." Dad said._

_I then realise who was missing._

"_Where's Lilly?" I asked._

_Ms Truscott let out a wail and buried her head in her arms again._

"_What?" I asked looking at everyone. _

_There was an awkward silence as everyone looked at the Truscotts. _

"_I think I'll go find her." I said making it looked like I was heading for the stairs._

"_Y-Y-ou wo-won't-t f-f-ind her-er." Ms Truscott stammered, speaking at last._

_I turned around._

"_Why?" I said voicing the question we were all thinking._

"_She………she……she……" Ms Truscott said trying to get the words out. _

_We all looked at her questionably. _

"_She's dead." Ms Truscott said in barely a whisper._

_I felt like my heart was ripped out. My stomach plummeted, I began to sweat and my heart began to race. I could feel tears come to my eyes. _

"_What?" Everyone said._

"_She's gone." Mr Truscott said in a husky whisper. _

_I couldn't believe it. I DID NOT want to believe it. _

"_She can't have!" I said, tears forming in my eyes. _

"_She is." Mr Truscott said._

"_But how, when?"_

"_Last night." Mr Truscott said. "We found her this morning."_

_I gulped. _

"_How?" I said in a croaky voice. _

_The Truscotts looked at each other._

"_What?"_

_They didn't answer. There was a silence. No one was dared to even make a sound. _

"_Suicide." Ms Truscott said in a voice that was barely audible._

"_WHAT?" We all said._

"_She killed herself?" I asked. "Why?"_

_I could not believe it. Lilly wasn't depressed. Was she? I had no idea. Fresh tears started to fall. _

_Ms Truscott shook her head and let out another wail of despair. _

"_NO!" I shouted and ran for it._

_I could hear Oliver after me but I didn't care._

_I found myself at Lillys' room. I don't know why I was up here. I opened the door and gasped. Lilly was lying on her bed, clearly dead. I looked around the door. I didn't remember Lilly having red carpet, red bed sheets and red patterns on her curtain. _

_But then I realised she had grey curtains, carpet floor and cream bed sheets. The room was covered in blood._

_I felt sick. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't. _

_Oliver burst through the door and his face fell. _

"_Oh my God." He said in a murmur. _

_The tears started to fall more quickly now as I looked at my deceased friend. _

_I don't know why but I walked towards her._

"_What are you doing?" Oliver asked looking at me, his voice thick with tears._

_I shook my head as I moved closer to her._

_Closer, I could see details I didn't see before. She looked so peaceful and happy. That's strange. How could killing herself make her that happy? Was she really that unhappy here? Her hand caught my eye. I looked closely at it. There was a blade in it. She had cut both her wrists. She really had killed herself. Before I didn't want to believe it but now I had to._

_I collapsed in pain and tears. _

_Oliver came over and hugged me. We both just sat there, crying silently. _

_Despair washed over us like a huge wave. _

_I don't remember Dad coming up, picking me up and taking me home._

_The whole night I cried and cried. _

_The last thing I said that night was. _

"_Why did you do it?" Before drifting into an uneasy sleep. _

_-End-_

That day was probably the worst day of my life. For ages I shouted out into space "Why the hell did you do it?" No one knew. So I decided to find out for myself.

I went back to the Truscotts the next week. Ms Truscott let me in but left as soon as I got through the door. It seems like no-one wants to be in that house much. I ran up the stairs to her bedroom.

I could still see her lying in the bed, blood everywhere. I felt the tears come back but I wiped them away. I had to know.

I had to know why my best friend needed to commit suicide. Little did I realise how complicated it was.

**A/N: Yeah so I wanted to write a despressing story and this idea was in the back of my brain for ages so I thought I would finally write it. Hopefully there will be about 10 or more chappies. So please review!!!!**


	2. Last Words, Last Day

**Disclaimer: **Sadly I have to report that my efforts to get the rights to Hannah Montana have been in vain. I do not own Hannah Montana.

**Chapter 2: Last Words, Last Day**

Looking back, I still wonder if I was a great friend to her because if I had been, maybe I could have seen the clues. I didn't realise that for ages Lilly was giving off small hints. Sometimes coming to school down, or maybe being all secretive and snappy when people asked about her and how she was doing. At the time we left it but now we all know that we shouldn't have.

But now, weeks later, I realise that her last words to me were actually literally.

"Goodbye Miley." She had said.

I didn't realise at the time but she actually _was _saying goodbye. Not the goodbye you tell your friends and then see them again the next day. But goodbye as in not seeing you again…..ever.

I remember our last day together. It was so perfect. It made me forget that she was feeling a little down that day. It could have been then she decided to end it but I doubt it. I guess Lilly had tried to make our last day together memorable. A day to look back on and remember the great times we had together.

I remember it well.

_-Flashback-_

"_Hey guys!" Lilly said catching up with us after school_

_Oliver and I just emerged from Chemistry and Lilly had probably run all the way from English just to meet us. I thought that was a little strange as Lilly had almost never done that. Oh well. _

"_Hey, feeling better?' Oliver asked._

_Lilly looked at him._

"_Why wouldn't I?"_

"_You just seem kind of down today." _

"_No, I'm fine."_

I didn't realise at the time 'No, I'm fine.' is codeword for 'I'm gonna kill myself later.'

_Oliver nodded._

"_Good." He said. _

"_Well come on, the mall's not gonna shop itself." Lilly said making 'come on' gestures with her hands._

"_Wait," I said. "What about homework?"_

"_We can do that later my friend." Lilly said._

"_But I have a Hannah concert." I said folding my arms._

"_Miley, that's not until 7:30, the time is," Lilly checked her watch. "3:25, it'll take us about 10 minutes to the mall, shop for an hour and go to Rico's for an hour that takes us to 5:35. See plenty of time to do homework! Plus you also have the weekend!" _

_I had to admit it did seem kind of temping._

"_Come on Miley, I'll buy you a new charm for our friendship bracelet." Lilly said. _

_At the time I thought I heard Lilly mutter something that sounded like "So you can remember me by." Now I know that is _exactly _what she said. _

"_Oh, alright!" I said unfolding my arms._

"_Alright!" Lilly punched the air. "Coming Oliver?"_

_Oliver knew that majority ruled so he came with no arguments. Thankfully. _

_***_

_We reached the mall in 10 minutes just like Lilly said. We raced around the mal like maniacs._

"_Okay, Miley, where do you want to go to first?"_

_She looked at me._

"_Oh right, the charm. Let's go." She said running off with us trailing behind her. _

_We spend what seemed like forever in the charm shop. Soon I decided on the letters MLO. Standing for Miley, Lilly and Oliver. Lilly seemed happy with the choice for some reason. She was probably happy because I had finally chosen. But in fact as I found out later that my choice is what she wanted. Me, to remember all of us as best friends. _

_After that we headed to General Issue to pick out new outfits for me and Oliver. I got a new skirt, jacket, pants and t-shirt. A whole new outfit! Oliver also got a new outfit: shorts, t-shirt and a jumper. Plus shoes and sunglasses each Lilly was paying for everything. I don't know how she got the money because it is after all General Issue. _

_After that we headed off to Rebels Sport to get a new skateboard for Oliver. Oliver took his time browsing up and down the skateboard isles. I wait impatiently but then I realise that Oliver was purposing doing this to teach me a lesson for taking too long with the picking of the charm bracelet. _

_Soon Oliver picked up one and examined it. Turned it over a few times before turning to Lilly, smiling. _

"_That's the one?" She said smiling back._

"_Yep!" _

_We picked out a matching helmet, shin guards and elbow guards to go with it. We headed over to the counter and within minutes Oliver had a new skateboard. We walked out the store, each with a huge grin plastered all over our faces. _

_We headed to the food court for afternoon tea. Oliver had pizza, Lilly had seafood and I had Butter Chicken plus we all had a coke._

"_This had been the BEST afternoon ever!" Oliver said leaning back in his chair after finishing off his fourth piece of pizza. _

"_I agree!" I said finishing off my last piece of Nan Bread._

"_Glad you like it!" Lilly said looking pleased. _

"_So, what now?" I asked._

"_THE BEACH!" Lilly said. _

_We all laughed and got up and headed to the car._

_Half an hour later, we found ourselves at the beach outside Rico's sipping milkshakes. Afterwards Lilly and Oliver went off for a surf._

_I just sat there on the beach, watching them having fun. I smiled to myself. They came back an hour later, soaked but looked like they had the time of their lives._

"_What now?" I asked after they got changed. _

"_I gotta go home; my parents will be home soon." Lilly said checking her watch. _

"_Alright, see you later." Oliver said._

"_Goodbye Oliver, goodbye Miley!" She said looking us each in the eye. _

"_Bye Lilly!" We both said, waving her goodbye. _

_Lilly ran off and I walked back to my house with Oliver._

"_Lilly can sure give us an awesome day!" Oliver said after a few minutes of silence. _

_I nodded._

"_So are you going to tell her yet?" I asked, stopping and looking at him. _

_Oliver fiddled with the zip of his jacket._

"_No." He said firmly._

_I was confused._

"_Why?" I asked._

"_It's complicated." He said._

"_No its not!" I was amazed._

"_Miley just drop it!" He said very sharply._

_I stopped and looked at him._

"_Why can't you understand that it's complicated?" He asked before storming off leaving me feeling very confused._

_I ran up to my room. Dad was on the phone with someone, later I heard him say 'Gary'. Gary is my tour director. So I guess he is double checking stuff about my concert to night and tomorrow. Dad looked busy so I headed up to my room to prepare myself for my concert which is in an hour. _

_***_

_After the concert, I got home and just collapsed on my bed. Then suddenly a thought came to me:_

_Lillys' parents aren't coming home till tomorrow._

_Did Lilly lie to me? _(That should have set off alarm bells for me but unfortunately it didn't)

_I quickly sat up._

_I decided to ring her._

_The phone rang several times before it went to answer phone._

"_Hey this is Lilly! I obviously can't come to the phone right now. But please leave a message!"_

"_Hey Lills! I need to talk to you, like right now. Oh and thanks for such an awesome day! Okay, so call me when you get this! Bye." I hung up. _

_I flung myself back on my bed and drifted into sleep. _

_I didn't see Lilly at all the next day. Apparently she was busy. _(Again another warning I didn't see at the time)

_I found it quite odd that Lilly was staying in doors on a Saturday. I actually went around to her house and banged on the door a few times but no answer. _This again should have sent off alarm bells but they didn't.

_-End-_

That was the happiness day of my life and yet, it marked the end of an era. The three of us, all best friends. What possible reason did Lilly have?

I made up my mind.

I ran to Lillys' house, no one was there so I let myself in with the key Lilly gave me months ago. Who knows? Maybe that small act was meant for me doing what I am doing at this very minute. Maybe Lilly knew I would be doing today and gave me the tools to do it. If so, that's creepy! But it would also mean that Lilly had been planning to take her life away for a very long time. I shivered at the thought.

I wandered into the kitchen, remembering that horrible night. There was nothing in the kitchen. I ran upstairs.

I opened Lillys' door and stepped inside. I immediately had a picture of Lilly with a blade over her wrist.

"DON'T DO IT!" I shouted

The scene dissolved into nothing and I realise it was just a picture and my mind was playing tricks on me. I took a breath before continuing. I had a look around her room. Not daring to move to many things because that's how she left it.

I couldn't find anything.

I looked under the bed. I quickly got back up. There was still a blood stain there. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. Ugh. This was not going to be easy.

I had a look around the bathroom, taking it all in. The towels were hung up in a neat order, the toothbrushes were in their holder along with the toothpaste. I could see Lilly brushing her teeth. It made me cry.

I walked back into her room feeling a little shaky. I couldn't throw off the feeling that I wasn't suppose to be in her room. It was a weird feeling but I had to throw it off. I had to know.

I walked over to her desk. And that's when I noticed it.

It was a small set of envelopes with peoples' names on it: Oliver, Mum, Dad, Damien (her brother) and, my heart skipped a beat, mine.

My breathing grew heavy as I picked it up. My hands were shaking. I didn't know what to except. What did Lilly write to me about?

**A/N: Yeah I know it's despressing, that's how it's suppose to be, so yeah hope you guys enjoyed that chappie. More to come!**


	3. The Letter

**Disclaimer: **I don't own a thing. =(

**Chapter 3: The Letter**

I carefully opened the envelope but as I took out the letter I quickly put it back. I couldn't. I COULDN'T but I had to. I gently pulled it out.

_Dear Miley_

It started. I still didn't think I could do this. Hell! This was a letter to me about the whole mess I'm in. I took a deep breath and read it again, the words that my deceased friend wants me to hear.

_Dear Miley_

_I'm not asking you to forgive me because I know that you never can. We've been friends for so long and for me to suddenly end it like I did, it must hurt. So I say again, I know you can never forgive me but I hope you find it in your heart to. _

_I know you must hate me but please hear me out. Hopefully by the end of this letter you may have forgiven me. _

_Let me start this letter off in a positive way._

_Miley, you were my best friend. Through thick and thin. You helped me with all my boy troubles (Matt and Lucas), all my troubles and even when I was annoying. We had our fights but I know we would forgive each other because that's what best friends do. You helped me through pretty much everything for which I am grateful for. _

_I still remember the day I found out you were Hannah Montana. Hannah Montana was like my idol and favourite singer and for me to find out that it was you, wow, it was a shock I can tell you that. Then you showed me your Hannah Closet. WOW pretty much sums it up. _

_Then came along Jake. I liked him for a while but I soon realised that you and him were meant to be. You guys deserved each other and I hope someday you and him might finally realise that. Remember this: I've never seen two people more perfect for each other. So consider this my blessing._

_Then came along the boy troubles. I'm sorry for not believing you about Lucas but I'm glad we made up. I helped you and you helped me. Once again I will say that is what best friends do. We fight but we forgive each other at the end of the day. _

_Remember that trip to Washington? Gosh, so much things happened. I realised two things._

_1: You lied because you had to and I now see that it was in the best intentions. _

_And 2: That trip made me realise that we are much more than best friends. You're like the sister I never had. Thank you Miley. For being my sister. _

_We have gone through so much together. The camping trip with Amber and Ashley, looking back now, I laugh even though we caught Poison Oak. What about the time when we thought Oliver was crushing on the school nurse? I actually went home that looked up The Who and The Beatles. They're bands from like the 80's. I couldn't believe that I didn't know them. I was such an idiot. Then we found out Oliver had diabetes. We helped him through his mess just like you helped me through mine. I'll say it again if I haven't: you are the best friend I could ever ask you for. Remember that now._

_We had so many fights as well. I still remember the time about the whole deal with my dorky new glasses. The time when you lied about where the money came from when we went to D.C. The time I didn't believe you when you said Lucas was cheating on me. The time when I didn't pick you in PE (I had good reason). The time when we both blamed each others' parent on who is to blame about that dinner date and the list goes on. But we made it through each of them and I knew that we would because at the end of the day we are sisters who are suppose to work things out. _

_But now I know the question that is on your mind. "Why the HELL did I do this?" I had my reasons. Some were too complicated for you to even understand and this is when you say "Try me." but this time you can't help me. This is one time you can't. So many things happened at once and then it just caused me too much pain. _

_Now you are probably wondering how long this has gone on for. I can say years. It all started when my brother got home from Military School and it ended with the whole affair with Oliver. You are now confused and I can see why. I've hid many things from you for good reason._

_The thing with Damien………it's difficult to explain. I don't know why he did the things he did but he did. I shouldn't trouble you with the details of my poor pathetic life so I'm not going to. _

_Oliver. Oliver: my first and true love. The whole deal with him is indeed complicated. Once again you don't need to know everything but he rejected me and it push me over the edge. I'm sorry for not telling you but I thought it was obvious. Every time now I look at him, I break a little more. I now hear the song Teardrops On My Guitar whenever I see him. The pain eventually got to much for me to handle. _

_You should also know that I have been issues for a long time. I tried and failed to fix them. Sadly I couldn't. I was depressed. I was more than down, I was way down. I knew I needed help but I was too far down to see the light. I couldn't get help. Help would have been useless, so I bottled them all up and slowly they took over me. Soon my life became not worth living. I couldn't take it anymore, the pain, the hurt. It was too much. I'm sorry for hiding it from you but worrying you was another thing to add to my list of reasons. _

_You should also know this one thing. It will shock you but you should know. Remember when I came to school with bandages around my wrists? They weren't from a skateboard accident. They were from cutting myself. I cut myself for months before deciding to end it. I'm sorry for lying to you but I didn't want to worry you and Oliver. _

_There are many other reasons but you need to put them together. I don't have much time to finish this but you should know that a small part of it includes you. I know that may seem hard to believe but it is._

_When you started to go out with Jake again, you seemed to bring him in and me out. I know that might seem selfish but so did everyone else. They slowly forgot me. So yes, you were part of the reason. _

_Miley, you were, no still are my best friend who has risen to the position of my sister. I love you and I am so glad that we began friends._

_Remember the first time we became friends? You were just this southern girl fresh out of Tennessee and I swoop in and took you under my wing. Of course it helped that I was your buddy. _

_Before I finish I just want leave you with a few points._

_1) I am still you sister, even in death._

_2) I just hope you find in within yourself to forgive me for what I have done. _

_3) I forgive you for EVERYTHING. Every mistake in our friendship, everything, is all forgiven. So now I can leave with a clear conscious. _

_4) Hannah Montana is still one of my favourite singers. Remember that._

_5) You know that key I gave you months ago? I did indeed give it to you so you can search my room for clues as to why I decided to end it. That my friend, is my challenge to you._

_Now I finish the letter from one of my favourite people. That's right. Albus Dumbledore. "Death is yet but the next great adventure." _

_I couldn't stand life but I'm sure I can stand death and like Dumbledore says it is the next great adventure. I look forward to it. _

_I just hope that when you find out, that you can understand everything. Maybe that's when you can forgive me but I doubt it because your sister leaving you? That's hard. I admire you for that._

_Few things to remember._

_1) I will always be here. Watching over you. Keeping you safe. Think as me as your guardian angel if you like_

_2) You are talented and beautiful so go live the life I couldn't. _

_3) You always remind me of the song 'I Always Be There For You'_

_4) I purposely made our last day together wonderful so we can look back on it. Thank you Miley, for all the wonderful memories. _

_So please do me one last favour before I finish this letter to you. Take care of my family. I know they are deeply hurt by this affair but I hope you can help get them through it. I know it may seem hard but it will be okay. Remember it is okay to cry, to break down. Losing a friend is hard and especially when that sister is so close to you. So please be the light in my parents, Oliver and everyone else who is affected. _

_Remember, it is okay to cry. _

_So thank you Miley. For everything._

_Good luck in the world_

_Your Sister_

_Lilly_

I scrunched up the letter and collapsed on the floor. Despair, pain and sadness was drawn to me like magnets. I didn't know Lilly felt this way. Lillys' letter was so sad and advice that I knew I had to take. She had forgiven me for everything and I felt like she deserved the same. She was so unhappy but I couldn't forgive her. I don't know why I didn't but something held me back from it. But I know it time I will.

The things she hid from me. The whole deal with Oliver and the cutting business. Those made me cry out in anguish. Knowing that my best friend couldn't even come to me with her troubles. She called her life pathetic and not worth living. That was depressing. But I hoped deep down that if she had come to me, that I could have helped her.

I looked back at the letter. The reasons. Oliver. I knew it. But he rejected her. That would explain why he said it was complicated. Re-reading the bit about Oliver ended up breaking me too. I never knew she felt like that. Tears soon came to my eyes again as they have been through-out the letter.

Her brother. Where did he come into it? I had to find out. I never knew that he could be apart of this. I thought Lilly had loved her brother, I guess I was wrong.

I noticed the bit about me hurting her. I felt so distraught. That I could be one of the reasons she decided to take her own life away. It hurt too much.

I guess I didn't know Lilly as much as I thought. If I had perhaps I would have seen the signs. I take up your challenge Lilly. I just hope that when I find out, I can finally get through this. But I know I never will.

Re-reading the letter made me finally break down in sobs. I just lay there, on her floor. The letter scrunched up, stained with tears, clutched in my hand.

The last thing I remember saying was:

"I could never hate you."

**A/N: Lillys' letter was so sad!!!! I was close to crying when I was writing it!!!! Of course it didn't help that I was listening to When You're Gone By Avril Lavigne, Stop and Stare by Opshop and the crowning depressing song of all time, Shattered by Trading Yesterday. **

**So please REVIEW!**


	4. Olivers’ Pain

**Disclaimer: **No, I do not own Hannah Montana.

**Chapter 4: Olivers' Pain**

For ages after Lillys' death, I just kept wishing that it was a dream. That I would wake up the next day and I would be in shock but then slowly come to realise that it was just a dream. But slowly the reality steeped in and I realised that Lilly wasn't alive. That it wasn't all a dream. That Lilly had indeed decided to kill herself. The letter helped me realise that. It was a painful reminder that Lilly had indeed decided to take her own life away. This very thought always brings tears to my eyes.

I looked back at the letter. At the reasons Lilly stated.

Oliver. The word echoed around my brain. Oliver was one of the reasons that Lilly had to end it. Oliver and Lilly both had said it was complicated but Lilly had said that Oliver had rejected her and that he had pushed her over the edge.

I had to talk to him. I had to find out what this whole mess is about. I sprinted to his house. I stopped to take a breath and rang the door bell. Mrs Oken answered it almost immediately. Everyone was on edge at the moment. Can you blame them? Looking at her I received a small shock. She didn't have the same energy she once had; it gone. The shell of an empty woman stood there. At least she wasn't as destroyed as the Truscotts though. But as soon as she saw me, she forced a smile. I hadn't seen anyone smile in ages so I smiled back.

"Hey, Mrs Oken, is Oliver here?" I panted.

She shook her head.

"He went out about 20 minutes ago." She answered.

"Did he say where?"

"I think he mumbled something about going to the beach but I don't know."

"Thanks, I'll try there." I said running off and waving goodbye at Mrs Oken.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I sprinted off to the beach. I had to get to the bottom of this. I reached the beach in good time. No one was there so I ran down to the ocean and looked around. I couldn't see him. Slowly I wandered back to Rico's but then I had a thought.

I remember Lilly telling me about a small part of the beach that she and Oliver liked to go and watch the sunset together and talk. It was their special spot.

I had to find it.

I ran down to the end of the beach. Nothing. I was about to give up when I saw a nick in the rocks, just left to me. It was big enough for a person to get through. I squeezed through it. And there he was. Skimming rocks on the clear blue water.

I walked towards him.

"Go away Miley!" He said sternly.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked standing next to him with my arms crossed.

He didn't answer instead he bent down, picked up another rock and skimmed it across the waves.

I just stood there looking at him. After a while he finally spoke.

"Because she would have told you."

It seemed impossible to mention her name now. Even now I find it difficult to mention her name too. Every time someone mentions her name, the image of her in her bed comes to mind every time and so I break down in despair.

I nodded and skimmed a rock myself. It skimmed only once before it sunk.

"She wrote us all notes you know." I said skimming another.

He looked at me with shock and surprised etched all over his face.

"Really? Probably goodbye notes." He said angrily skimming another.

"Yeah." I muttered.

"What did yours say?" He asked.

"She talked about our time together (the ups and downs), why she did it and she asked me to forgive her."

"How can she ask that? After what she did?!" Oliver exclaimed.

"You didn't read the letter." I said simply.

"Must have been one heck of a letter." He muttered.

"It was." I stated.

Oliver just skimmed another rock not bothering to answer. I decided to get to the main reason I was here.  
"Did you reject Lillys' feelings for you?" I asked looking straight at him.

Oliver froze.

"How did you know that?" He whispered angrily.

I pulled out Lillys' letter.

"She wrote it in here."

Oliver slowly took the letter and scanned it. He let out a long, low gasp.

"No, no, NO!" He said smacking himself on the head.

"What?" I asked looking lost.

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

"What?" I asked again looking more lost.

"I can't believe this!" Oliver cried.

"Oliver, what is going on?"

Oliver paused; the letter was still in his hand.

"Well, it happened about 3 weeks ago." He finally said.

_-Flashback-_

_I was in my room doing my English essay when my phone rang. I checked the caller ID and it turned out to be Lilly._

"_Hey Lill-ay! What's up?" I said into the phone._

"_Hey Oliver can you meet us at our spot in 10?"_

"_Sure." I hanged up the phone and headed out._

_I saw Lilly pacing up and down the beach, muttering to herself. As I got closer, she looked up and had this smile playing around her mouth._

"_Oliver." She said walking towards me._

"_Hey." I said smiling at her._

_Lilly let out a small giggle and then sat down on the beach. _

"_So what's all this about?" I asked taking a seat on the sand next to Lilly._

"_I need to tell you something." She said._

"_What?"_

"_I……I……I can't do this!" She buried her head in her knees._

"_Lills," I said placing an arm around her. "You know you can tell me anything right?"_

_She nodded._

'_So what's the problem?"_

_She looked at me._

"_Promise you won't laugh." She said._

"_I promise I won't laugh." I responded._

_Lilly took a deep breath before continuing. _

"_I think I'm in love with you." She said looking at me in the eyes._

_I was in shock. My best friend has just proclaimed her love to me. I had no idea what to do. I had never been in this situation before._

"_Lilly, I……" I began but she stood up._

"_You don't like me back." She said tears forming in her eyes. "Don't worry, I get it. See you around Oliver."_

_And with that she ran off into the distance. _

"_No, Lilly, it's not like that!" I shouted at her but she didn't hear me._

_Angrily I kicked the sands._

"_Stupid Oliver." I muttered "Why didn't you tell her that you liked her? Why did you have to go and break her heart?"_

_I wandered back to the main beach to try and find her but she was long gone._

_I felt so heartbroken and cruel. My best friend told me that she loved me but I couldn't say it back. Something was telling me that we were better off friends. I shook my head. _

"_Stupid Oliver." I muttered one more time before heading back to my house._

_-End-_

I had my mouth open in shock.

"You _did _reject her!"

"Miley, it wasn't like that!" Oliver said trying to backtrack.

"And after she proclaimed her love to you. Oh that's low!" I said giving him a dirty glare.

"Miley, it wasn't like that."

"Oh yeah? Please explain!"

"I thought it would be too weird to date her. You know like Joey and Rachel off friends? I thought it would turn out like that. I did like her but I pretended not too. Oh man if only I had told her how I really felt!"

"Bit late for that now buddy boy!" I said giving him another evil look.

"Miley, do you know cruel and vicious I feel? Knowing that I was part of the reason that she decided to end it?"

"You're not the only one pal!"

He looked at me confused.

"She also said that I was also part of the reason that she took her life away." I admitted.

"What?!"

"She said that I was forgetting her and that I didn't listen to her etc, etc." I said waving my hands on the last part.

Oliver stood in thought.

"She's right." He said at last.

"I know." I muttered.

"We didn't exactly spend much time with her, maybe a day a week." Oliver kicked the sand with his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah." I said under my breath.

"I guess we weren't the best friends we thought we were."

I nodded.

"You right. Man that thought is so depressing."

Oliver nodded.

There was this awkward silence. Neither of us dared to speak.

"So," Oliver said finally breaking it. "Who else did she write letters for?" He said tapping mine.

"Like everyone."  
"Let's go gather everyone and deliver them. That way they will all know Lillys' last message to them."

"I agree." I said nodding.

We casually walked back to the house before Oliver stopped and gasped.

"What?" I asked looking at him.

"OH, MY, GOD." He said under his breath.

"What?" I said again.

"We killed her." He whispered.

**A/N: SO SAD!!!! =( Anyway I hoped you liked this chappie!!! Hopefully the next one will be up soon! Gotta update my other stories first but I'll probably write the next one this weekend.**

**HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!**


	5. Confessions, Letters And A Conclusion?

**Disclaimer: **Sadly I have to say that I do not own Hannah Montana, no matter how much I want to.

**Chapter 5: Confessions, Letters And A Conclusion?**

I stopped dead and let Olivers' words sink in. Slowly the realisation of it hit me. I couldn't believe it. He was right. 100% right.

"Oh my God." I said softly putting my hand to my mouth. "In a way we did. In a way we did kill her."

I couldn't believe it.

"Aha." Oliver said nodding.

We continued walking up the beach to Rico's.

"OH MY GOD! Together we must like add up to 50% of the overall reason." I cried wringing my hands.

I looked at Oliver.

"What do we do?" I asked him.

Oliver shrugged his shoulders and then he shook his head.

"Honestly, I have no idea. What is in the past is done. Nothing we can do about it now."

"How can you say that? Aren't you even a little bit upset that you are one of the main reasons that she is no longer with us?"

Oliver stopped dead.

"How can YOU say that?" He hissed. "Of course I am. How do you think I feel? She clearly states that I am one of the main reasons. That hurts!"

"YOU?! What about me? To know that I basically killed my sister!" I screamed. Lucky for us, no one was around.

"She was my best friend my entire life! She was more than my sister to me! She was like my twin in a way!" Oliver shouted.

"Look, we both were responsible in some way. Like you said: what's in the past is in the past. It's done. We can't fix it now. It's too late." I said sadly.

Oliver looked down and nodded very slightly.

"Alright, let's get everyone." I said running off with Oliver right behind me.

***

"Ms Truscott!" I banged on her door. "Ms Truscott!"

"What's with all the noise?" Ms Truscott said opening the door.

When I saw her I couldn't help but gasp.

Her hair hung loosely in strands all over the place. Her face was stained with tears and her eyes no longer had the energy they once dead. They were hollow and dead. Ms Truscott , herself, was deathly pale. Where one upbeat person once stood was replaced by a shell of a woman.

"What do you want?" She said her voice thick with tears.

"To show you something and everyone." I said in a small voice.

"Come in." She said in a wary voice.

We stepped into the house. The house seemed different. I had been in her before her death but this time it was different. The house seemed to have been sucked of all its energy. It was cold, dark and creepy. I guess I just didn't notice it before. I was too focused on why Lilly had wanted to end her life.

I shivered, feeling the full extension of the cold. I pulled my coat more tightly around my body.

We walked slowly into the kitchen where Ms Truscott was looking for something.

"Tea?" She asked.

He hands were shaking so much that the teapot jangled.

Oliver and I nodded.

Shakily she attempted to make the tea.

CRASH.

One of the cups had been dropped. I immediately stood up to help.

"Let me." I whispered gently taking the dustpan and broom from Ms Truscott and sweeping up the shards.

Quickly and silently I made the tea and manage to set three mugs of warm tea in front of each of us. We drank our tea in silence. Not one of dared to speak.

When we were finished I got up and I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was one top of a small box that was on top of the bench. The box wasn't there yesterday. I shuffled towards it and picked it up.

It was a piece of paper folded with the words 'To Who Ever Reads This'. My throat constricted and my heart skipped a beat. I knew that handwriting. I would recognise it anywhere.

With quivering hands I picked it up and read it.

_To Mum and Dad_

_I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. The pain of it all is too consuming._

_Please forgive me._

_Lilly_

My heart was beating faster now. I remember Ms Truscott crying over a piece of paper. THIS must have been what she was in tears. It all made sense now. This wasn't just any note. It was a suicide note.

"What do you have there?" Oliver said softly.

"Lillys' suicide note." I whispered.

He looked up at that.

"Wh-what?"

He grabbed the note and I could see his eyes dart left and right as he read it. When he finished he looked like he was about to cry. I looked over to see Ms Truscott in tears. She knew I had seen it and read it. Yet, she didn't bother to stop me.

"I was going to show it to you later." She said, her voice thick with tears again.

I could only nod. The pain was all coming back now. It seems Lillys' death will always haunt me.

Then I knew what I had to do now. I pulled out Lillys' letter to me.

"She wrote us all notes." I said quietly.

Ms Truscott nodded.

"I noticed that earlier."

She pulled out hers and dissolved into fresh tears.

"We should get the others' to read theirs. It would only seem right." Oliver said in a croaky voice.

***

Half an hour later, everyone was here. The Okens, Dad, Jackson, Mr Truscott and Damien. I use to like that guy but now, every time I look at him I feel a surge of anger.

I passed around the notes and everyone took them looking puzzled.

When they had their notes they disappeared to different parts of house to read them. There was an eerie silence as people read them. It was only broken by the sound of paper and soft sobs.

They all came back 20 minutes later, rubbing their eyes. No one wanted to say anything. Not a single sound was heard. Then suddenly it was broken.

"YOU WERE THE REASON!" Olivers' sister Vicky suddenly screamed, pointing at me, Oliver and Damien. "YOU WERE THE BLOODY REASON SHE DID IT! THE REASON WHY SHE IS DEAD!"

"Vicky-" Mr Oken began.

"AND YOU!" She said, ignoring her father but instead pointed a shaky finger at the Truscotts. "WERE ALSO RESPONSIBLE!"

"Vicky!" Mrs Oken hissed at her.

"She's okay." I said. "She's right."

They all stared at me.

"I didn't realise that Lilly was falling. As her best friend I should have realised."

Oliver nodded.

"But as her mother I should have been the one to notice it." Ms Truscott muttered.

"In a way, we were all responsible. In a way we all were a part of the whole reason." I continued.

"There must be more to it." Mr Oken argued.

I shrugged.

"There probably is. I haven't figured it out yet but there is probably more too it than just us. I mean if there was a problem with any of us, wouldn't you think she would come to us about it?"

"But she didn't!" Jackson said.

"She should of! Vicky said. "Why didn't she?"

"I think it's because she didn't want to worry us. I think she knew that we had too much on our plates that she didn't want us to worry." I said.

There was another silence.

"What I want to know is what he did." I said, breaking it and pointing a finger at Damien.

Damien had remained quiet through-out this entire affair. I desperately wanted to know what his letter had said but I knew that would be prying and that was just rude.

"ME?" He said defensively. "What the hell did I do?"

He did look nervous though. I came to the conclusion that he is hiding something that he doesn't want everyone to know.

"You know!" I said trying to sound like I knew but really I didn't.

"I didn't do a THING!" He shouted the last word.

I looked at him with my eyebrows raised.

"Really? Because I don't think so." I pulled put my letter from Lilly.

Damien seemed even tenser than before. Perhaps I did know what he was probably thinking. I read out the bit concerning him.

"The thing with Damien………it's difficult to explain. I don't know why he did the things he did but he did. I shouldn't trouble you with the details of my poor pathetic life so I'm not going to."

I looked at him. So did everyone else. He was sweating like anything now. It seemed like I had him cornered.

"Apparently," I said continuing. "This whole thing started with you." I poked him right in the chest.

"I didn't do a thing."

"Lilly seems to disagree there."

He looked at everyone.

"I DIDN'T DO A THING!" He yelled before storming out and slamming the door behind him.

"I think he did something and doesn't want to admit it." Oliver said.

"You are such a doughnut." I said rolling my eyes.

Oliver laughed.

It was the first time anyone had laughed in days. It felt good to hear someone laugh again. Almost like it was the first sign that we could get through this, no matter how hard it may seem.

**A/N: So yeah, I hope this chappie was up to scratch. I have heaps more ideas for this story. So keep looking out for updates!**


	6. Hope Seems Far Away

**Disclaimer: **I own Hannah Montana. A girl can dream can't she?

**Chapter 6: Hope Seems Far Away**

After that experience with Oliver, I think I actually smiled. Not a forced one, but a real one. I think it was the first real one in weeks. I don't know why but it made me feel a little warm inside.

It actually gave me hope……..or so I thought.

That was before the experience I had a week later.

The next day I was asked if I wanted anything of Lillys'. When I was asked, the feelings that I wanted to get rid of came rushing back.

I was hesitant. I was thinking that perhaps Lillys' things should be untouched. To be left the same way it was left. Not to be disturbed.

But of course by curiosity got the better of me. I had to see if there was any clue left by Lilly or, more importantly, if there was any memory of us that I wanted to cherish and keep.

But did I want to have things that remind me of Lilly? I can no longer at our photo albums without bursting into tears while remembering the great and yet painful memories of us together before she decided to end it.

So I said yes. I knew I shouldn't have. But I keep coming to the same conclusion as I had just come to before.

"You ready?" Olivers' voice came to me from very far away.

Olivers' voice snapped me out of my daydream. I had been lost in memories of me and Lilly over the years.

Over the past few days, since I had been asked, everything had been reminding me of Lilly. It seemed ever since the topic has been brought up again, it felt like she had died all over again and if I didn't like it the first time, I definitely won't like it the second time around. Like I said, Lillys' death will always haunt me.

"Yeah." I tried to say but it came out like "Y-yeah." My voice seem shaky but then again, so was I. I mean we are standing outside by deceased best friends' room for crying out loud. I still don't know how Oliver can act all calm like he is. I say act because his Mum told me he cries himself to sleep like me.

"Okay." Oliver said softly hovering outside Lillys' door.

I waited for him to open the door. Olivers' hand was outstretched, inches away from the door handle. He was rocking back and ford on his feet. He was nervous. I guess even him was having doubts about this whole thing.

I wondered what he was thinking. Was he actually having doubts like me? Or was he just plain nervous. I wish I could perform Legilimency. But sadly I am not a witch like Hermione Granger. Well, a girl can dream.

I looked at him again. Wondering what his next move will be.

Slowly, he moved towards the door and pushed it open. The door open with a creak and we waited outside.

I was trembling, all the warm fuzzy feeling I had felt before was completely gone. It had been replaced with a nervous, jumpy, terrified feeling. The feeling was coursing through my veins like poison. Filling me with despair and pain. Infecting me.

I shivered. I could feel goosebumps crawling along my skin.

Oliver placed one foot into the room but withdrew it quickly. There was a nervous expression etched upon his face.

I waited patiently for his next move.

Then he seemed to pluck up some courage and quickly walked into the room. He waited for me beside her desk.

"Coming?" He asked in a whisper.

I nodded and placed one foot but like Oliver withdrew it quickly. I guess I was going through the same thing Oliver was going through. It seemed like the situation was mimicking us. First Oliver and now me. I would have laughed if it hadn't been so serious.

Oliver waited patiently for me just like I did for him. I rocked backwards and forewords on my feet just like Oliver had been. I had to do this. I had to do this! Something was holding me back but I knew what I had to do. I found some strength inside me and I quickly walked into the room and stood next to Oliver who was looking grim.

"Let's do this." He said glumly.

I didn't want to do this. It just felt wrong. Going through a dead girls' things? And this girl is your best friend. Well, that just makes it worse. I hadn't been looking foreword to this day ever since Ms Truscott asked us to do it.

I gulped and looked around the room, taking it all in. The blood stained bed cover and floors, the messy pile of papers on Lillys' desk. I didn't know what to do. I looked at Oliver who also looked lost.

"Maybe we should start over here?" Oliver suggested nodding his over to the pile of papers on Lillys' desk.

He was avoiding looking at the blood stains. I was too. You know what they say. Blood is the worst stain. In both material and memory.

My throat felt dry and scratchy, I just nodded.

We headed over to the desk and started looking through it. It was just papers with random things on it. From school work to game cheats. From random sketches of things to paper with writing on them.

Oliver and I just stood there going through them. All the papers went into some order. All the school ones together, all the drawings together etc. It was the drawing ones that I found most interesting. They were of all kinds of things. But my favourite one was of us, standing outside my house. I didn't know Lilly could draw. Maybe I didn't know Lilly at all. The very thought of that brought tears to my eyes. I wiped them away before Oliver could see.

But it was the ones that had writing on them that caught my eye. As soon as I picked one up I knew immediately that they were extracts from Lillys' diary. I looked at the first one.

_Feb 16 2010_

The date was from a couple of months ago. I wonder what Lilly had felt then. February 16th, why does that sound familiar? I searched my head for anything but I came up short. The answer was like on the tip of my tongue. I shook my head and went back to the diary extract.

_Today was pretty uneventful._

I looked away. I couldn't read Lillys' diary. It felt wrong. More wrong that me being in her room looking and sorting through her stuff. This was her personal feelings written down on paper. What if there was something written on this piece of paper that I wasn't suppose to see?

But I had to know! I had to know what was going through her head when she took the blade in her hand and cut and cut and cut. I want to know what the bloody hell she was thinking when she decided to end it.

I looked at over at Oliver and received a shock. He was crying silently over a picture of us at Rico's. I guess that I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I had forgotten all about Oliver. Seeing him cry made me start to cry again. He looked over to me and pulled me into a hug. We just stood there, crying our eyes out.

Minutes past.

"Well," Oliver said breaking the awkward silence, wiping his eyes. "We should go. Everything is in order."

"Yeah," I replied, wiping mine. "Are we coming back tomorrow to get the stuff we want?"

Oliver couldn't speak. Instead he just nodded.

"Cool." I nodded as well.

We walked out. I took one last look at the room before giving a small wave to the room while closing the door.

**A/N: Sorry this is a little short and late. I've been really busy. I have like 10 tests next week crammed into 3 days. But it's the weekend so I'll be able to write a lot more! YIPEE!! And then it is the holidays! YAYAYAYAYYAYAY!!!!!! So anyway, hope you have enjoyed this update =)**


	7. The Diary

**Disclaimer: **Last time I checked, I didn't own Hannah Montana.

**Chapter 7: The Diary**

The next day I came back over to Lillys' house with Oliver. I was even shakier than I was yesterday. Today, like yesterday, I had no idea what to expect. Was I going to stumble across something new? I don't know why I was feeling these things now when I should have been feeling them yesterday. Guess I was so terrified about the prospect of being in my deceased friends' room I forgot about it.

I was once again standing at the door of the room waiting for Oliver. I dropped my bag and leaned against the wall waiting for him. Suddenly my phone went off. My ringtone blasted around the cold dark room and hallway.

I had a look at the Caller ID. It said 'Oliver'. What could he possibly want? Shouldn't he be here with me in our dead best friends' room?

"Where are you Oliver?" I said.

"Yeah about that!" He said.

My heart plummeted.

"You can't make it." I said in a small voice looking down.

"Yeah, you see, my Uncle Jack is in town and he is insisting that he helps take my mind of things."

"I get it."

"Sorry, Miley. Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah, alright."

"Oh I gotta go. My Uncle just noticed my brothers' foot. You know the one with the splinter lodged in it? Yeah he wants to help him out. So see ya!"

"Bye!"

I shut the lid of my phone and let out a small laugh. Poor Owen. Whenever their Uncle visits and one of them has an injury of some kind, he always tries to help out. Lucky for them, he's a qualified doctor. So at least they're in safe hands.

I remember one time I was over at Olivers' house when he came in supporting Lilly. Turns out Lilly had scraped her knee really badly. Jack insisted on fixing it himself instead of taking her to the ER to save time and money. At least he did a good job and Lillys' moans stopped when he bandaged her all up.

I smiled at the memory. Instead of bring tears to my eyes, it brought a smile. I looked back at the room. Well there was no point in doing this without Oliver.

Then my eye caught something. Something was glinting in the sunlight. Almost as if it was trying to catch my eye. It was a piece of paper. I walked over to it and picked it up. It was the same paper I was looking at yesterday. That could hardly be a coincidence.

I looked around the room. Surely there was no harm in taking a peek? I doubled checked the door. I was fine. Lillys' Mum had gone out shopping with her Dad for Lillys' funeral that was to take place in a few weeks. It was being delayed because Lillys' relatives had to fly in from all parts of the world. From England, New Zealand and even France. Apparently flights were really hard to get a hold of.

I looked back at the piece of paper. I had made a decision. I walked very quickly to Lillys' drawers next to her bed where I found her diary sitting on top of them. There scribbled in black letters where the words:

**PROPERTY OF LILLIAN ROSE TRUSCOTT**

The diary was a tan leather book stuffed with loose papers in messy handwriting. I knew Lilly would kill me if she knew I was doing this even she was……but she isn't. So technically I'm not doing anyone harm am I? Maybe she wanted me to see this and that's why she left it there.

Oh look at me! I'm trying to talk myself into it. Just take the God damn diary and get out of here. I outstretched my hand and grabbed it. It felt heavier than it did the last time. Oh did I mention that I once had held it when she was alive? Of course it was different then. I had found it and Lilly had told me to put it back. That's how I knew she had one. It was actually quite recent. Maybe a month ago?

Lilly had such a spaz at me. Probably because she didn't want me to know what she was planning to do otherwise I would have tried to talk her out of it and told her parents and then sent her to a place where she could have gotten help. Yeah, that's the reason she didn't tell any of us. Because she didn't want to go through the fuss and have people stare at her and then send her off to a place where she could have gotten help.

I looked at the diary in my hand. I weighed up the pros and cons. If I took it I might be able to see into Lillys' world and maybe find out a little more about Lillys' problem and if I didn't take it I won't be able to find out about the mess I'm in but I won't have the guilt of having gone through my best friend who happen to be deads' diary .

The agony of choice. Just before I had finally made my decision, I heard a voice coming from downstairs.

"Miley, is that you?"

It was the voice of Ms Truscott.

"Yeah." I called back.

"You finishing up?"

"Yeah, Oliver had to do something, so I thought there was no point in going on without him."

"Alright, I'll leave the front door open then."

"Thank you!"

I heard her footsteps move into the kitchen. I looked back at the diary. I had reached my decision in almost a split second.

I grabbed the diary and stuffed it into my bag before slinging that over my shoulder and rushing out the front door, closing it behind me.

Just as I was coming out the door I saw it.

It was a girl about my age, staring at me across the street. I don't think I have ever seen her around her before but the agun I was too far away to see her properly, so I gave up and ran all the way back to my house. I don't know why but something about that girl gave me the shivers.

"Hey Bud!" My Dad said as soon as I walked into the door.

"Hey Dad! Bye Dad!" I said heading towards the stairs.

"Slow down honey! What happened at you-know-whos?" My Dad said.

Lately he has been saying you-know-who instead of Lilly. I suppose in a way, it's very considerate.

"I wasn't at Voldemorts'." I said.

I always make the exact same joke. It what Lilly would have done anyway.

Dad gave me a look and I rolled my eyes.

"Oliver didn't show, so where're going back tomorrow." I muttered to the floor.

"Oh!" Dads' face fell.

"Yeah, so I'm going up my room." I said pointing to the stairs.

Dad nodded and I rushed up to my room where I dumped my bag and took out her diary. I jumped on my bed and opened her diary. Just before I opened it, I had a quick thought. I couldn't do this but I had to.

I opened the first page.

**A/N: Sorry it's short again. The next chappie hopefully will be longer! Special prizes to people who got the To Kill A Mocking Bird reference. (Sorry studying it at school) **

**Please remember to REVIEW!!**


	8. Missing Pages Fall Into Place

**Disclaimer: **No I don'town Hannah Montana.

**Chapter 8: Missing Pages Fall Into Place**

_Feb 24 2008_

_Today I am 16. My Grandmother got me this diary to write in, to express my feelings etc. She thinks it will be good for me considering I am usually shut up in my shell all day and all night. Maybe it will, maybe it won't……Who knows?_

_Anyway today for my birthday I got some amazing things. From Miley I got this amazing charm bracelet like she has. So now we can buy charms for each other. Oliver got me this new tripped out skateboard with matching safely gear. _

_Mum and Dad basically got me some clothes, a new PS3 game, Soul Silver for my DS and they gave me a check for 100 bucks. Nice! _

_Damien sent me a card and a picture of him with his roommates at Military School. In his card he writes:_

"_Happy Birthday little sis! Wow, 16! You're growing up from that little girl I use to know! So everything is good here, I hope you're doing okay with Mum and Dad! Are they still fighting? I hope they resolve whatever they're auguring about. Can't wait to see you again and show you all these amazing videos of me and the boys. I have lots to tell you. _

_Your Big Bro, _

_Damien." _

_Today was pretty damn amazing! I can't wait to try out my new skateboard with Oliver at the parks tomorrow! Perhaps he will FINALLY tell me he likes me! I sure hope he does. If he does, I can say it back and we will live happily every after! But then again that is only wishful thinking. I wonder what will happen. EEP!_

_Can't wait for tomorrow!_

_Lilly_

Reading this entry made me think. I don't get it. Lilly seemed so happy at her 16th party. Even her diary says so. If she was so happy, then what Gods' name possessed her to take her life away? What made her go from Happy Lilly to Depressed Lilly?

I looked back over the entry. Damien didn't sound like an evil guy who was part of the reason that Lilly took her own life. Perhaps he changed at Military school because I remember the guy.

He was nice and funny. He always made us laugh and he always had something new and exciting to tell us. He would remember the most craziest and weirdest of facts. **A/N: Based on my friend Charlotte. She always seems to know the weirdest of things. Never play 'Guess My Animal' with her. You'll always lose!**

I remember Lilly telling me about the fight her parents had just before her 16th birthday. Her Mum accused her Dad of cheating. Apparently it caused an icy silence in the house for weeks. I think they did fix it until Ms Truscott caught Mr Truscott with some other woman at work. I think that did it. Maybe that's one of the causes. Guess I'll never know but maybe Lillys' diary will help me out.

One of the pages was sticking out and I flipped to it. I found the entry that had caught my eye the other day. I guess fate wants me to read this entry.

_Feb 16 2010_

_Today was pretty eventful. I think it will be nearly time for me to tell Oliver how much I am in love with him. But I don't think I will because it's him and me, me and him. Little Olli and Lil. Kindergarten friends or lovers as Miley put it. I knew I shouldn't have told her the crayon story. Ah well. We all make mistakes. _

_Today my Dad came over. I hadn't seen him in a bit and you know who he brought round? That's right that egg of a girlfriend who hates me. What's her name? Ginger? Isn't that a Spice Girl?_

_But that's not all. He also brought (Drum roll please) Damien. I couldn't believe it. I thought I had seen the last of him when he moved in with his girlfriend Sophie. But apparently they broke up. Surprise, surprise. As soon as he announced it I knew it was going to end disaster. But did they listen to me? Nooooooo!_

_The whole visit was an icy silence. Barely anyone talked or even looked at each other. The only silence at dinner was the sound of knives and forks against plates. Dad didn't even look at me all through-out dinner. I wonder why. Ginger kept giving me the evil eye. Again, I wonder why. What did I do to her? Guess I'll never know. _

_Damien caught up with me after dinner._

"_Hey Bucko!" He yelled at me._

_I turned to look at him._

"_Yeah Dami?" I said folding my arms._

_Damien looked left and right to make sure we were alone. Of course we were. Dad had gone out with Ginger and my Mum to show them his new office._

"_We ARE alone Dami." I said firmly. _

_He took a step forward while I took one back. I knew what he was going to do. I still had scars from the last time he did it._

"_Dami no, please!" I whimpered. _

_Suddenly the door opened and Dad and Mum stepped in. Thank GOD! Perfect timing guys. Really._

"_Damien, me and Ginger are going. You need a ride?" Dad asked._

_Damien shook his head and Dad and Ginger got into their car and drove off without another word. Talk about awkwardness. Mum came up to me._

"_Darling, I have to go to the office for the night. Probably won't be back at all until tomorrow evening. You okay here for a bit?"_

_I wanted to say no so badly but Damien was in the background giving me his death glare which made me coward every time._

"_O-Okay." I stammered._

"_Good girl." My Mum said giving me a kiss on the cheek before grabbing her keys and purse and getting into her car. _

_This was not good. Mum was leaving me alone with………him! I wanted to yell after her so desperately. But Damien was advancing on me. _

_Damien waited until Mums' car was out of earshot before advancing on me, cracking his knuckles as he went. _

"_Dami please! PLEASE!" I begged backing into a corner. _

_But Damien only laughed._

"_You'd like that wouldn't you?" He said giving me his evil grin. _

_My head hit the wall and all I could think of is "Oh shoot! He has me in the corner." _

_Suddenly Damiens' fist came out of no where and it hit my right in the stomach winding me. I collapsed holding my stomach. Damiens' foot slammed against my side forcing me into the wall. I could hear Damien laughing as fist slammed into my chest. I slid down the wall dripping in blood._

_Damien stood over me laughing his high cold cruel laugh. I could see similarities to Voldemort here. I just hope Damien doesn't become like Voldemort. _

"_What happened to you?" I whispered._

_Damien laughed his cold laugh again. How could hurting his little sister give him such pleasure? It's sick._

"_What happened to my big brother who always protected me and helped me?" I whispered. "Where's that guy?"_

"_He grew up." Damien said with a hiss._

_His fist slammed back of my head forcing me to fly forwards. Lights appeared in front of my eyes and I tried to blink them away. I held the back of my head and looked up to see Damien standing over me. I could feel the blood in my mouth. I spat some out. _

"_I think that's enough for now."_

_You think? I was thinking._

"_See you next week Little Lil." He said calling me by the nickname he used to call me when we were little. It was sickening. _

_I felt dizzy. I had to stay conscious otherwise Mum might see and then I'll be in trouble with you-know-who and I'm not talking about Voldemort._

_And with that he turned on his heal and left. Leaving me to clean up my own blood. _

"_Remember our little promise." He says in the doorframe before grabbing his jacket and this time, leaving._

_I remember our promise well. He beats me up and if I tell a single soul I die. Yeah it's a good deal. It's a lose/lose situation for me. _

_I carefully got up, holding my side. I spat out more blood. I ran to the bathroom and threw up some blood. Without doing anything else I grabbed the bucket and mop and cleaned to make sure not a speck of blood was seen. Then I had to clean myself up. I go to the bathroom and pick up my blade. I carefully run it across my wrist to make a small cut. I could see my blood pouring out. Funny enough this doesn't make me feel better anymore. It used to fix all the problems but now I think I need more than just a cut wrist. I think I actually want to end it. Completely. Forever. _

_For a while now I've been having these feelings. I sometimes wonder if life would be better if I didn't have one. It would be better for everyone considering everything. I do wonder what is on the other side and if it is better. It must be because they say that when you die you go to heaven. I hope that is much better than the hell of a life I put up with. _

_So then why do put up with everything when I could easily leave it?_

_Lilly_

I just lay there on my bed, shocked from what I read. My tears splattered the pages just like the old ones had. I didn't know Lilly had felt this way. I just wish she had said something to me. We could have fixed this together……..I hope. Could we? Lilly did seem to be in a pretty deep hole.

The whole mystery with Damien had been solved. He had abused Lilly but to what ends? But the real question is: WHY? Why did he do it? I had to know. I had to find out.

But I didn't get to think about it for long before I heard my Dad yelling up the stairs.

"Bud are you ready?"

My head was spinning.

"Ready for what?" I yelled back.

I could hear my Dad sighing.

"Your Hannah concert. Starts in a few hours."

Oh shoot! I had totally forgotten.

"Let me get ready!"

I raced around the room grabbing my Hannah stuff and my wig. I got changed in several minutes and I ran downstairs to meet my Dad with my dinner ready. I scoffed down my dinner and ran out to the limo which was waiting for me.

"Ready?" My Dad asked me.

I gulped.

"I don't know."

**A/N: I hope you guys have enjoyed this update.**

**On a happier note how was your Easter? Mine was fun. Went to my Grandads' for dinner =)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	9. I Can’t Be Hannah Without Lola

**Disclaimer: **No I don't own Hannah Montana.

**Chapter 9: I Can't Be Hannah Without Lola**

My limo rode up in front of my concert stadium. Paparazzi were everywhere. Cameras flashed, people asking me all kinds of crazy questions while my Dad was shouting stuff like 'Clear the way.'

Finally I got to my dressing room. I opened the door and was surprised to see two people in there.

"Hey Oliver, hey Jake." I said smiling.

"Hey." Jake said kissing my check. "Glad you've made it."

"Yeah me too." I said. "But you better not do anything because otherwise….."

"Gotcha." He said nodding and winking.

I looked at Oliver in his Mike Stanley III costume. I then realised it was Lilly who had disguised Oliver when he wanted to be backstage with us. I looked down, avoiding peoples' gaze. I didn't want to discuss Lilly today.

I had this feeling that something was missing. I knew what was missing as soon as that thought crossed my mind. Lola. Lola was always backstage with me, supporting me. How will I cope without her? How will I cope without Hannahs' sidekick? I guess I'll have to go on just like I did before Lilly found out my little secret. But of course, that was easier said than done.

"Well, I guess we'll just take our spots backstage and leave you to….to….get ready." Jake said breaking the long awkward silence at last.

"Aha." I said nodding. That was all I could at the moment.

Jake and Oliver left, leaving me standing alone in the middle of my dressing room. As soon as they left I broke down. I couldn't hold it in anymore. It was too much. I started to cry and I held my head in pain.

"Stop it Miley! You've got a performance to do in a 20 minutes." I said wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Hannah!" Said an irritating voice behind me. I didn't even need to look behind me to see who it was. I would recognise that voice anywhere.

"Hey Traci!" I said in a fake happy voice as I air kissed her.

"Hey Hannah, where's your friend Lola? Ditched her?" Traci said with a smile.

"Ah, of course not!" I snapped. "She…..she….." I tried to think of a really good excuse to why she wasn't here. I couldn't tell her the truth could I? "Her family moved back to New Zealand. So she won't be with me all the time."

I guess my plans of not talking about Lilly was ruined.

"Oh." Traci said. "Pity." I knew what she really was thinking. She was glad she didn't have to see Lilly anymore. That very thought made me burn up inside. Oh if she only knew the truth maybe she wouldn't be so mean.

"Yeah, so um, better go get ready for my show. Big night!" I said trying to change the subject. I really didn't want to talk about Lilly at the moment.

"Alright." Traci said brightening up. "Oh Hannah, you are coming to Taylor Swifts' party this Saturday?"

"Of…of course." I stammered.

"Super, well ttyl." She said walking off.

I ran into my bathroom and stood over the sink. I clutched the basin as I looked into the mirror.

"Breath Miley. Breath." I told myself as took in deep breaths.

I heard my dressing room door open and the sound of footsteps.

"Show time darling." I heard my Dad say.

"Okay." I turned around.

"Inhale, exhale." I told myself over and over again as my Dad led me to the stage.

"So you're going to open with Super Girl right and end it with Best of Both Worlds?" My Dad said.

"Change of plans Dad." I said.

I had arranged this with my band earlier. This time we were going to do something a little different.

"I had a little change to the line up." I continued.

I grabbed a mic and headed up onto stage to people applauding. I looked over my shoulder expecting to see Lola but I didn't. My heart sank as soon as I realised she wasn't there of course. But at least Oliver and Jake were grinning and giving me the thumbs up. Their faces gave me new energy as I faced the crowd. I could hear the music to Super Girl starting up and I got ready to perform it. Without Lilly here tonight made me lose the fire I once had. I guess her death affects me in more ways that one.

Finally it came to the end of the show. I had just finished Best Of Both Worlds. Usually I would be ready to finish but I had other plans. I was not going to waste this opportunity. I breathed in as I got ready.

"I would like to delicate this next song and concert to a very special friend who sadly cannot be here tonight. She is the best friend ever and I love you. I only wish you could be here to see this. Thank you for your awesome friendship. I really appreciate it and everything you've done" I said. The very words I spoke brought tears to my eyes.

The crowd went nuts as I turned to the band and gave them the nod. I then launched into my next song:

_We sign our cards and letters BFF_

_You've got a million ways to make me laugh_

_You're lookin' out for me, you've got my back_

_So good to have you around_

_You know the secrets I could never tell_

_And when I'm quiet you break through my shell_

_Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell_

_'Cause you keep my feet on the ground_

_You're a true friend_

_You're here till the end_

_You pull me aside when something ain't right_

_Talk with me now and into the night_

_'Til it's alright again_

_You're a true friend_

_You don't get angry when I change the plans_

_Somehow you're never out of second chances_

_Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again_

_I'm so lucky that I've found_

_A true friend_

_You're here till the end_

_You pull me aside when something ain't right_

_Talk with me now and into the night_

_'Til it's alright again_

_True friends will go to the ends of the earth_

_Till they find the things you need_

_Friends hang on through the ups and the downs_

_Cause they've got someone to believe in_

_A true friend_

_You're here till the end_

_You pull me aside when something ain't right_

_Talk with me now and into the night_

_No need to pretend_

_You're a true friend_

_You're a true friend_

_You're here till the end_

_You pull me aside when something ain't right_

_Talk with me now and into the night_

_'Til it's alright again_

_You're a true friend_

_You're a true friend_

_You're a true friend_

I finished my last note and looked to the crowd. They were cheering and yelling their heads off. I looked over to Oliver, Dad and Jake. They were crying but smiling. Dad was looking pleased and proud. That made me smile. For real.

"Thank you Los Angles, you rock!" I yelled and blew a kiss to the crowd. I ran off stage and got ready to leave.

"Good show darling." My Dad said putting his hand on my back.

"Thanks Daddy." I said getting ready to go out the dressing room door.

"Oh and Miles?"

I turned around and faced him.

"Yeah?"

"Nice end to the show. Lilly would've liked it."

"Thanks." I whispered.

I left my dressing room to find Oliver and Jake had gone. I remember Oliver on the phone just as the concert ended. He had mouthed something like 'Gotta go.'

Suddenly someone came up from behind me. I recognised his voice. It was Jake. I turned around to see him smiling. As I looked closer I could see tears in his eyes. Just seeing him about to cry made me start to cry as well.

"Nice ending." He said before giving me a quick peck on the cheek before running off to catch his ride.

I turned around and got a shock to see Oliver standing there. I thought he had gone home. I noticed he was crying just like me. He shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You're welcome." I whispered back.

I nodded. I knew what he was talking about. Oliver looked at me for a second before turning on his heel and left. I just stood there in tears. Then I realised what I was supposed to be doing. I raced outside and dodged the paparazzi.

I got into the limo with my Dad and it drove us home. I quickly changed from Hannah to Miley and got ready for bed. As I lay in my bed my thoughts came back to Lilly.

"I still miss you." I said turning over in my bed.

Sleep was willing to drown me in it as I had one last thought before sleep washed over me like a wave.

My only wish is that Lilly could have seen this.

***

Way above her, a girl looked down onto the scene below her. She saw the brown hair girl turn off the light of her room and say those last few words before the brown hair girl closed her eyes. She wiped a tear from her eye and smiled.

"Thank you Miley! I miss you too." She said before turning away.

**A/N: The ending is sooooo sad! It was so sad writing this chappie! I hope you enjoyed it =)**


	10. Who Knew School Could Be A Lot Worse?

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own HM.

**Chapter 10: Who Knew School Could Be A Lot Worse?**

_You get the best of both worlds,_

I groaned as I woke to my alarm going off. I reached over and hit the button to turn it off. I turned over and lay there with my eyes open. Monday. Monday morning. That only means one thing in everyones' book from the ages of 5 to 18.

School.

I gulped. I had no idea how I was going to do this but like Lilly would always say one step at a time. I quickly got changed and ran downstairs to the sound of sizzling bacon, my Dad reading the paper and Jackson eating toast.

"Good morning." I said announcing my entrance.

Dad and Jackson looked up and said hello while my Dad placed a strip of bacon on a plate with some eggs on toast. I sat down and gobbled it all up.

"You know you don't have to do this." Dad said.

"I want to." I said grabbing my bag.

"Good luck Bud." My Dad said.

"Thanks Daddy." I said running out of the door jumping on the bus.

"Hey where's your friend?" Steve our bus driver said causally as I jumped on the bus.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I remembered that Lilly and I always caught the bus together, ever since we had became best friends.

"She…..she……" I started but I couldn't finish it.

Steve looked at me with concern on his face.

"You okay Miley?" He asked.

I nodded and wiped my eyes.

"Alright, take a seat." He said starting the engine as I walked down the aisle.

Left and right, teenagers were having fun. Laughing, talking and sitting with their best friends. It actually hurt that I can't do that with my best of best friends. Slowly I sat next to Oliver and the bus pulled out of the bus stop.

I looked over at Oliver. He was looking out the window and gripping his bag until his knuckles had turned white.

"You okay?" I whispered.

He just nodded. The rest of our ride was in silence.

Half an hour later, the bus pulled up to school. Oliver quickly got up and was one of the first people off the bus. Me, on the other hand, was still sitting on my chair.

You can do it! I told myself over and over again. I slowly got up and moved carefully down the bus. I hopped off the bus and walked into school with Oliver who had been waiting for me.

While walking down the corridors, we got a lot of stares. I guess people are so use to the three amigos that they were shocked to see only two. Plus I guess it helps we haven't been in school for the past week.

I looked down to avoid the stares. I really didn't need this right now. Suddenly I bumped into someone. I collapsed on the floor; the contents of my bag went everywhere. I quickly scrambled around to get my books. When I looked up to see none other than Amber and Ashley looking down on me. I gulped.

"Hey Stewart, where's the third loser?" Amber said folding her arms.

"Um, um, I, I…." I stuttered.

"Don't have an answer?" Ashley said.

I gulped again. I was trembling. Not because of Amber and Ashley but what they were discussing.

"Stop it!" Came a voice.

I turned around and saw 'Saint' Sarah. Thank GOD! Someone to help me. There was no way I could hold my own right now.

"Just leave her alone!" Sarah continued.

"Well looks like the hillbilly has a passé." Amber laughed.

Sarah just scowled at them until they turned around and left.

"Need a hand?" Sarah said extending hers.

"Yeah, thanks." I said taking it and getting pulled to my feet.

We started to walk to my locker.

"So where is Lilly? I was hoping to catch up with her and ask her about our English assignment." Sarah said.

Poor Sarah. She had no idea. I gulped, the hallways were emptying. The bell for Tutor Group was about to ring but I had to tell Sarah the truth. I trusted her. She was probably one of the only students here who I could tell anything to and be understood.

"Lilly won't be coming back." I whispered opening my locker.

"Why?" Sarah said looking and sounding confused.

I checked to make sure we were the only ones in the hallway. Luckily for me, we were. I turned back to Sarah.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked her after putting the last of my books into my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.

"Sure, what's up?" Sarah said walking with me to our Tutor Group.

"Lilly…..Lilly…." I said trying to get the words out.

Sarah waited patiently for me to get the words out. She could see that something was wrong and didn't push it. That was one of the things I love about her.

"She's dead." I whispered.

Sarah put her hand to her mouth in shock.

"Oh my GOD! I'm so sorry!"

"Thanks."

"But how? Why? When?"

I gulped. I really didn't want to answer the how question and I didn't know how to answer the why question.

"A few weeks ago. Her parents found her dead."

We began walking again.

"How did she die? If you don't mind me asking. Was it a car crash? Murder? Accident?" Sarah asked looking at me straight into the eyes.

I took a deep breath in before shaking my head.

"Then what?" Sarah asked. She was clearly confused.

"Suicide." I whispered in a croaky voice.

Sarah looked as though she was about to faint.

"WHAT?!" She half-whispered, half-shouted.

And so I told her. Everything. From our last day together, to the day I found out and the aftermath. It actually felt good just to get it off my chest. Sarah was a good listener and when I finished she looked like she was about to cry. There was an awkward silence after I had finished. Nobody knew what to say next. Sarah looked around everywhere but in my direction and I just kept looking at the floor. How were you suppose to respond to what I had just said? As though it was the answer to our situation, the bell went. Signally for us to head off to Tutor Group.

"Well, I guess we be off to Tutor Group!" Sarah said breaking the very long, awkward silence between us.

"I guess we better." I said

We walked the rest of the time in silence.

"Sarah! Miley! Late!" Mr Corelll said not looking at all serious.

"Sorry Mr C." I said.

Mr Corelll gave me a smile. Did he know? Perhaps he is just being is usual friendly self. Funny enough I found myself wishing it was the latter.

"Take your seats. You're just in time, we're about to do the roll." He said gesturing for us to take our seats.

Slowly we did. Sarah kept looking at me with nothing but sympathy on her face. Every time she looked at me, I gave her a weak smile. Soon Mr Corelll did the roll. I couldn't help glancing at the empty seat that was behind me. It drew everything towards it. It was like it was a vacuum. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to turn away but I couldn't.

"Lilly?" Mr Corelll called out.

Just hearing her name made all the feelings rush back today. That's like the fourth time today and the day hasn't even begun!

"Lilly? Is Lilly here today?" Mr Corelll asked the class.

Guess that answered my question. He didn't know after all. I was glad. I didn't want Mr Corelll pulling me aside to talk to me. Maybe even send me to the councillor. I really hope that doesn't happen.

"No, she isn't here." Oliver said.

I turned around. Oliver had his fists clenched and he was looking down at them. I was shocked that he had even spoken.

"Thank you Oliver." Mr Corelll said marking Lilly absent.

The rest of the day continued like this. I had over estimated my ability to handle school. I thought I could but I was so wrong.

Every class I had that Lilly and I were usually partners, I had to team up with someone else. Luckily for me either Sarah or Oliver was in my class. So I guess it did turn out okay. It just that I missed having Lilly as my partner. Oliver and I sat at lunchtime, alone. Just the two of us. The Golden Trio, as Lilly nicknamed us after getting it from Harry Potter, had gone down to the Despair Duet.

By the end of lunchtime, I wanted to go home. couldn't put up with this anymore. I guess coming back to school was a mistake. I thought that Oliver could do it, so could I. But Oliver has been hiding his feelings a lot lately. I guess I have been too. But something kept telling me to go on and so I did.

By the end of the day, I was walked very slowly to my locker. My feet dragging themselves along the floor. By the time I reached my locker, I was one of the last people in the building. I opened my locker and grabbed everything I needed.

I looked side-ways and saw Lillys' locker. I could just see her trying to undo her locker. The scene changed, Lilly was talking and laughing with Oliver just like old times. The picture brought tears to my eyes.

Then suddenly I had an idea. What if Lilly hid something in her locker? I looked around to double check I was indeed alone before I started on her locker. I remember her pin quite clearly. 1837, the year Queen Victoria became queen. Figures. She was her favourite queen. It was so typical Lilly.

I opened it. I looked inside it. There was nothing but her school books, Lillys' PE gear, a couple of reading books, an empty drinking bottle and some random stationary. I had a quick look around inside it. Nothing to suggest why she had decided to do what she did. I closed the door with a bang and locked it again.

But then that's when I noticed it.

A girl about my age walking towards me. She was wearing a white Abercrombie and Fitch hoddie with the words 'Fitch, New York 18' embroidered in crème letters on it (**A/N: Based on my hoddie)** and black jeans. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. I let out a gasp of surprise when I saw her. I would recognise her face anyway.

**A/N: I hope you liked that chapter. Can anyone guess who it is? She has been mentioned before. Please remember to review! =)**


	11. Ghost Of The Past

**Disclaimer: **Nope, nothing =(

**Chapter 11: Ghost Of The Past**

It was Lilly.

I felt like I was going to faint. How could someone who has been dead for weeks just suddenly reappear? My mouth was open in shock as I stood there, staring at my deceased friend. I let out some noises as though I was trying to speak but I couldn't. I was too in shock to even say a thing. I then realised that Lilly was in the clothes she had been wearing when we found her on her bed. That's strange. My eyes darted to her wrists. They were exactly like they were when I saw them before. There were several gashes on each wrist with blood pouring out of them. Her body was deathly pale and her eyes have lost the light it once did. It was as though she was the walking dead.

Wait a minute….

"Hello Miley." Lilly said in a calm, dead voice.

"Uh…." I couldn't respond, how do you respond in this situation?

I still had that nagging thought in the back of my mind. It was seriously spooking me. Was I talking to the undead?

"Surprised to see me?" Lilly asked.

"Uh…." I said again.

I couldn't really say anything else.

"I take by your tone that you are." Lilly said, still speaking in the same monotone.

I was suddenly struck by a thought. Was she incapable of emotion?

"Hey Miles!" Oliver was running towards me.

Before I could say or do anything, Oliver had run right through Lilly. I was even shocked than before. But as soon as he did, he shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around him. This is getting stranger and stranger. Well that concludes that Lilly is actually dead but then how could I see her and Oliver couldn't? My eyes continued to dart from Oliver to Lilly. I didn't even hear a single word of what Oliver was saying. My ears were in shock along with the rest of my body due to the situation I was in.

"…….So can you do that for me Miley?" Oliver finished.

"Ah, yes, of course!" I said coming out of my trance.

"Thanks," Oliver stopped, finally noticing my eyes and the way I was acting. "You okay Miles? You seem kinda tense!"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said speaking at last.

"Okay." Oliver said.

I knew he didn't believe me. I could see it in his eyes. But why couldn't he see Lilly, right in front of him? That's what I want to know.

"Bye." Oliver said waving goodbye.

I waved goodbye as he walked off and out of school. As soon as he was gone, I turned back to my ghostly friend but all she did was laugh.

"He can't see me because I choose who sees me." She explained. "Don't worry, you're not going crazy." She added.

"I never said I was." I whispered.

"But you _thought _I was." Lilly said. "There's a difference."

I still didn't speak. How do you communicate with your deceased friend?

"So, down to business," Lilly said. "What were you doing in my locker?"

"I, I…." I tried to think of an excuse but I couldn't. I eventually decided on the truth. "I wanted to know why you did it!" I screamed.

All the emotion I had been feeling lately was pouring out of me. It actually felt good to yell. It made me feel a little better.

Lilly looked taken aback. First I wasn't speaking and now I was yelling. I could see Lilly didn't expect this but I had to know. I had narrowed it down a bit however I was still way off. I still don't know fully why I was the reason. I thought it was to do with me being distant although it could be more than that.

"There were many reasons." Lilly mumbled.

"So you just think you would kill yourself and everything would be better for everyone?" I shouted.

I didn't care if I was making too much noise. All the anger inside of me was finally being released on the source.

"Miley, you don't understand-" Lilly began to say.

"Oh really?" I said still shouting. "I'm, I mean, I _was _your best friend! How would I not understand?!"

"Because you wouldn't have." Lilly said.

She didn't raise her voice. It was still in the same calm dead voice she had been using all this time. It stunned me that she could be so calm.

"Try me." I said folding my arms.

"Listen Miley, you need to find out on your own." Lilly said.

I was getting really sick of Lilly at the moment.

"So, you won't even _tell _me why you decided to pick up a blade and slice it across your wrist?" I yelled.

"Miley, it's something you need to understand on your own. If I tell you, you may get the wrong idea." Lilly said grabbing one of her wrists with her other hand.

"Alright fine." I said. "Because I shouldn't know why my best friend suddenly decided to end it."

"Miley it wasn't like that. It was years of pain and despair." Lilly said.

That made me stop. _Years_?! Was I really _that _oblivious to it all? I looked down, not knowing what to say next. I've recently found myself in these situations a lot. It always seems to get more awkward every time.

"So uh…" I said trying to break the silence and change the subject. "Are you a ghost?"

Lilly nodded.

"But I don't know why. I know I have unfinished business but I don't know what that is. Could be anything. But I know one thing. A person who has died may travel to and from, from the Living and the Unliving world if they have unfinished business. So that's probably why I'm standing on Living ground. "

I probably knew what it was. It probably had something to do with her killing herself and everyone needing to find out why but I didn't say anything.

"So what's it like……up there?" I asked.

Lilly shook her head.

"Can't tell you. Against the rules."

"There's rules?" I asked sounding confused.

"Think of it this way," Lilly said. "It's like another life except it's better, much better. But it's a society with rules and regulations. Slim ones though."

"Oh." I was even more confused now.

_We sign our cards and letters BFF, You've got a million ways to make me laugh_

I fumbled in my pockets for my phone and answered it. It was my Dad asking where I was. I told him that I had lost my pencil case (first thing that popped into my head to be honest) and that I was running late. He said it was fine and told me to come home as soon as possible. I said yes and hung up the phone.

"Change your ringtone?" Lilly asked sounding confused.

"Yeah," I choked up here. "Right after…..right after….."

"It's okay." Lilly said putting her hands in her pockets. "Come on, let's go."

And with that we walked out the front door.

**A/N: So now we're getting into the thick of it. I'm actually suprised how far this story has come! Hopefully I'll make 20 chapters =) Keep reading and reviewing! =)**


	12. Another Entry

**Disclaimer: **Don't own a thing!

**Chapter 12: Another Entry**

I got home in pretty much 10 minutes. Dad didn't say anything to me and vice versa. I really didn't want to say how……._supernatural _my day was. How do I say that the ghost of my best friend visited me today? Hmm, thinking of Lilly, where is she? I looked around and didn't see her. That's the trouble with ghosts; they can disappear just like that!

I ran up to my room and dumped my bag on my bed. I let out a yawn and stretched. As I opened my eyes, I must've jumped like a metre into the air. Lilly was sitting on my seat, just staring at me.

"Gosh Lilly!" I said putting my hand to my heart.

"Sorry." She said.

I slowly sat down at my desk and got out my Maths books ready to start my Algebra homework.

"What Maths are you doing?" Lilly said.

I didn't answer. My gaze had shifted to a book that had consumed me for the last week. A book that had caused me so much pain and sadness.

It was Lillys' diary.

My eyes just filled with water looking at it. I looked at Lilly who was still expecting an answer from me. I soon found my voice.

"Ah, Algebra. Doing revision on factorisation and expanding."

Lilly nodded. I remember how good she had been at Algebra. Lilly got up and moved towards me. The closer I got to her, the colder I was. I felt goosebumps crawl along my skin and my hairs stand on end. I felt like I was in a meat locker. I pulled my jacket closer to my body.

The minutes ticked by. I was doing my homework while Lilly just sat there. The only sound was the sound of my pen on paper and the pages of my books turning. Occasionally I would sneak a glance at Lilly. She just sat there staring at me with those hollow dark eyes. It was just enough to make me shiver.

After what seemed hours, I heard my Dad calling me for dinner. I looked at the clock. Had it really been only a couple of hours? I got up, stole another look at Lilly before running downstairs.

Dad was watching E news. It had my latest Hannah Montana concert on it with the caption 'Hannah Makes A Tribute'. I look at it. It had footage of my concert. Suddenly Lilly appeared at my shoulder. I jumped out of my skin.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked looking concerned.

"Nothing." I said quickly.

Dad gave me a look and knew that I was lying but didn't push it. I glared at Lilly and she gave me an apologetic look. Lilly looked at the concert just as the scene changed and they were back at the news room. I guess they were finishing off the article. I felt a little uncomfortable about what the reporter just discussed. I looked down at my dinner and poked my potato with my fork.

Lilly didn't say anything. I had this funny feeling that she had seen the concert. Just before I had gone to bed, I could have sworn that I had heard someone saying 'Thank you'. At the time I thought it sounded familiar and now hearing Lillys' voice again, I'm sure it was Lillys' voice. Was Lilly saying 'Thank You'? Also I was sure I felt her on stage with me as I sang that song. I looked over at Lilly. She had a hint of tears in her eyes. I guess she is capable of emotion. That answers that question.

Before anyone could say anything, Jackson sprinted through the door with a look of pure excitement on his face and he was carrying this weird gun device. It was the first real happiness I had seen in weeks. I hadn't seen a normal smile for seemed ages. It felt strange for someone to be happy in the house. I guess things are still not back to normal yet.

"It came Dad!" He said excitedly.

"What son?" Dad said looking interested.

Jackson held up the strange device.

"The Ghost Buster 5000."

That made me lose interest. Jackson had recently become obsessed with all supernatural things which include ghosts. He had discovered in 'Supernatural' (a stupid sci-fi magazine that Jackson gets weekly) an ad for a Ghost Buster 5000. Apparently it can 'track' ghosts and do some other bizarre stuff. I went back to my dinner and everything my brother said about his stupid laser went straight over my head. However my Dad actually was interested and asked Jackson to try his blaster out. Jackson flicked a switched on handle of the gun thingy and he looked at the screen. I could hear a faint beeping noise coming from it.

"It's picked up something!" Jackson said eagerly.

"Jackson," I said wrenching myself from my meal to this oh so interesting scene. "Those don't work. It's just a scam to rip of brainless idiots like you."

Jackson ignored me and continuing moving around the room. I watched him go one way, backtrack, then go another way, turn around all around the room following this strange beeping noise. He did this for at least half an hour before looking up at us.

"Found the ghost." He said in a whisper.

"Jackson, there is no-" But that's all got out I had just noticed where Jackson was standing and it was right in front of Lilly. Does that mean the ghost buster whatever really can pick up ghosts or was it just a coincidence?

Lilly didn't do anything, Jackson just looked at his map, Dad just looked at the scene waiting for something to happen and I just sat there. Jackson then held the Ghost Buster nearer Lilly and it started to beep like crazy. There goes the idea of it just being a coincidence. I held my breath. I didn't know what was going to happen next.

I noticed Lilly then began to fade. First her hands disappeared, then parts of her legs and torso, then her arms and the rest of her legs, then the rest of her torso and then slowly her face faded and then only her eyes were left. They flashed and then they also disappeared. I guess she is going back to the Land of the Unliving. The beeping noise stopped and Jackson looked disappointed at his Buster.

"Oh man," Jackson said shaking the Buster and examining it. "Must be faulty." He did look disappointed.

I just shook my head and finished off my dinner.

***

After dinner, I dragged myself up to my room and collapsed on my bed. I then remembered I had to do the last of my Algebra equations. Sluggishly I got up and hauled myself towards my desk and sat down. Then something caught my eye, a piece of paper was wedged out of place in a book. I went back to my Maths but the idea of that paper was consuming my mind. Instantly I picked up the book and saw the familiar cover. I doubled check Lilly wasn't in the room before opening it to the page with the piece of paper. I noticed the piece of paper was a little bit screwed up. I wondered why. Did Lilly do that? Maybe she didn't like this entry. I smoothed it out and I read.

_June 5__th_

I noticed the date was just weeks before Lilly had well…..

_Today was one of the worst days of my entire life. After the indicant with Damien yesterday, My Mum now thinks that I'm lying to her. She had discovered a speck of blood in the bathroom and wants to know why. I say it's not mine but she knows I'm lying. In fact the blood is from the night Damien went overboard after dinner with my parents and Dads' new girlfriend. She says she can't trust me if she knows I'm lying to her. So that means no late nigh out, no going out to parties etc. Like I would anyway, no one invites me out to these things anyway. _

_Today I desperately needed a friend. I had a pretty hard morning. There was a cold ice in the kitchen between my Mum and me. Wasn't pretty. So yeah, I could have done with a friend but to my horror I found out Miley had this Hannah concert that she didn't even tell me about. I usually go as Lola, I guess not this time. Lately Miley has been fazing me out. She didn't even talk to me at all last week and when we were assigned partners in Physics, Miley looked like she didn't even want me as a partner. Talk about ditching your best friend. _

_Oliver got a girlfriend today. I feel a pain in my gut every time she gets brought up or is in the same room as me. I can no longer handle my feelings for him. Sooner or later I will have to tell him but what if he rejects me? I can't do this anymore. My life has been definitely getting harder and harder. _

_No one knows that Damien and now Dads' new girlfriend are abusing me. My life has been getting worse and worse. Cutting now doesn't even cut it anymore. I always dread the next day. Sometimes I think about picking up a knife and slicing my throat. Would anyone miss me? Yeah right. They don't even notice me anymore. I feel like I'm invisible. Never to be seen nor heard. _

_Today I heard the most shocking thing. I never thought the words would come out of their mouths._

_I was walking from French to my free period, looking for Miley and Oliver. Don't know why I bother anymore. They don't care or miss me. They now do stuff without me, be each others' lab partners without me, practically arrange things without me, go to parties and malls without me. I feel like I have been losing my bestest friends and I can't do a thing about it. This sucks._

_Anyway I went into the library, dumped my books at a table and went to see if I could find any books on the Russian Revolution for History. I found the books I wanted and I searched the shelves. Soon I found the book I wanted: The Search For The Lost Princess. It was all about Anastasia and the myth (the one when everyone still thought she was alive). I needed it for my project. As I took the book off the shelf, I noticed it: Miley and Oliver was talking what looked like in secret. _

"_So in a few weeks right?" Oliver was saying._

"_Yeah, remember to get the invites out." Miley said._

"_Right and you're in charge of drinks and food." Oliver said._

"_Agreed, so you have drawn up a list of the guests?" Miley asked._

"_Yeah, here it is." Oliver handed her a piece of paper and she read over it._

"_That's good." Miley said handing it back. "This is going to be a sweet as party."_

_My heart skipped a beat. Miley and Oliver were organising a party _without _me?! Why?! Those sneaky backstabbers!_

"_Right we should start our work to make it look like we have been doing it instead of talking otherwise she may suspect something." Oliver said._

_That obviously meant me. Those sneaky backstabbers are deliberately hiding this from me. I go back to my last question: WHY?!_

"_Right." Said Miley nodding. _

_I raced back to my table and pretended to do research on Anastasia. I opened my book to a random page pretended to be looking for something. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Miley and Oliver came back._

"_Hey, where have you been?" I asked, pretending to not know. _

"_Just been asking Mr Mayers about todays' work." Miley smoothly lied._

_If I didn't know she was lying, I would've believed her. Miley and Oliver sat down and we all began our work. I noticed that Miley and Oliver were sneaking glances at each other. At one point I thought they were secretly dating because of all this weird, strange, mysterious behaviour but now I know the truth. _

_Lately I've been thinking more and more about just ending it. Like I said, who would miss me? I am just a hindrance to everyone, a waste space in other words. Nothing else matters ever more._

_So why do I keep myself here, when I can just so easily escape? _

_Lilly_

Once again, I felt tears come to my eyes. I didn't know Lilly had overheard us. We weren't excluding her; we were actually planning a surprise party for her because we hadn't seen her all week. It was to make up for our behaviour for the last couple of weeks. If I had known this it what it would lead to, we would have told her or at least be a bit sneakier in our planning. The real reason I wanted to be partners with Oliver so I could discuss the party with him, so we didn't have to do it later.

It wasn't as though I didn't want to be with Lilly, it just that if I had been assigned with Oliver maybe Lilly wouldn't have overheard us. Perhaps if she didn't overhear us, she might not have well maybe she would still have picked up that blade and ended it. I would never know.

But wait! A thought had just come to me. Maybe I can still tell Lilly the truth. It may not be too late. I could repair my part of the reason. Lilly was not alive but she is here in a way. The supernatural way. I stood up but then realise that Lilly had gone. She had gone back to where she belonged earlier to today when Jackson had found her with his Ghost Buster 5000. Stupid Jackson! But then if he hadn't forced her away I would never have been able to read this entry. It was a lose/lose situation.

I decided to then have another look at the entry. Re-reading the first paragraph made me realise how little I noticed Lilly. I can't believe I didn't notice Lilly was being abused. I started to cry again. Suddenly I heard a voice say "Why are you crying?" I jumped and looked around and saw who it is.

It was my Dad. He had a look of sympathy on his face. I felt the tears come more easily now as I just sat there crying. Dad came over and embraced me into his arms. I just cried into his shoulder. It was one of the first real times when I have expressed emotion in front of someone since the incident.

"She's gone Dad!" I said. The cruel reality of it all had finally set in, after a couple of weeks.

The piece of paper had really brought back everything. Just like the times before, I feel like Lilly had died all over again. But this time it's even worse. To know that something could have been done. I could have told her what was going on, to tell her what she meant to me. But I left it too late and now she's gone…..forever.

I still would like to have known that I could have prevented it from happing but like Dad says some things were meant to be. He told me this just after Lilly had killed herself. I had yelled and screamed, trying not to believe it but slowly I had come to realise that it probably was. It was coming to us for weeks and now the deed is done. I just wish that it had never been preformed but like they say: you can't change the past.

"Ssh, it's okay." Dad whispered. "She's still here in sprit."

Little did Dad know how ironic that is.

We just sat there, crying. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lilly had decided to come back. I could see tears flowing down her cheeks as she gazed upon the scene before her. I guess she is now realising how hurt we were. Unfortunately it couldn't change anything. She had decided to take that final step and end her life.

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while! My computer hates me, so I'm using my sisters'. Yeah funny story about this chappie. I was sitting at lunch finishing it off and my friend Lucy wanted to see it and I said no cos I was still writing it and then my classmate asked what it was about and I said no and then there was silence and then she said "Is it about Miley and Oliver planning a surprise party for Lilly cos they excluded her?" and I burst into laughter and then Lucy said "Is that what it's about?" and I nodded and we burst into laughter. Turns out my friend Courtney had seen me writing it in Physics (done my work btw) and had told her. LOL**

**Yeah it was a real funny moment. Hehe!  
**

**PS: Happy ANZAC Day!!! Remember to wear ur red poppies LOL  
**


	13. Dreams In Which I'm Dying

**Disclaimer: **Nope, don't own HM

**So we reach the unlucky chapter lol. **

**Chapter 13: Dreams In Which I'm Dying**

Dad and I sat there, crying. Eventually Dad got up and said that he had to do some things. I just nodded weakly. It was all I could do. Dad got up and closed my bedroom door slowly behind him. I looked around for Lilly. Our eyes meet.

She stood there, not saying a word. I could see the stains where her tears had been, flowing down her face. She shut her eyes and a single tear dropped and disappeared into thin air. I got up but she started to fade and within seconds she was gone. I slumped back into my chair and in my anger I threw my Algebra book across the room.

I soon resolved myself to go and grab it because I still had a few things I had to do. I walked over to it and noticed a page that did not have mathematical equations on it. I took a glance at it.

It was another entry of Lilly's diary. I decided to have a small peek at it. I still wanted to know these things.

_June 10__th_

_Today is a Saturday. Another week has past. I'm just sitting in my room writing my diary. Just before I've been bouncing my tennis ball at the ceiling while listening to Mad World by Gary Jules. It outlines my life completely. _

_All around me are familiar faces_

_Worn out places, worn out faces_

_Bright and early for the daily races_

_Going nowhere, going nowhere_

_Their tears are filling up their glasses_

_No expression, no expression_

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow_

_No tomorrow, no tomorrow_

_And I find it kind of funny_

_I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying _

_Are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take_

_When people run in circles_

_It's a very very, mad world, mad world_

_Children waiting for the day they feel good_

_Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday_

_And I feel the way that every child should_

_Sit and listen, sit and listen_

_Went to school and I was very nervous_

_No one knew me, no one knew me_

_Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson_

_Look right through me, look right through me_

_And I find it kind of funny_

_I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying_

_Are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take_

_When people run in circles_

_It's a very very, mad world, mad world_

_Enlarge your world, mad world_

_The bit that described me the best is the lines:_

'_And I find it kind of funny_

_I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying_

_Are the best I've ever had,_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take'_

_Is it weird that I love it when I dream about me killing myself? Last night I had a dream when I jumped off the cliff. I could actually feel the rush. So that's when I decided to end it. Completely. I do feel like my world is a mad one. _

_Life would be a whole lot simpler if I wasn't around. The blade is sitting next to me right now. I pick it up and it feels so smooth against my skin. I just want to cut my wrist right now and let the blood flow. But I would be caught because my Mum is downstairs. Why bother attempt if I'm just going to get caught?_

_I feel as though the blade speaking to me, crying out. Saying "Lilly, do it." I think the blade is trying to help me. But sitting here right now, thinking, makes me realises that I do have friends. But would they miss me? Would they care? What about my family? Would THEY miss me? Do they even love me? Or am I just some dead weight not to be cared for but to be bullied and beaten? _

_These questions I just don't have an answer for. If you asked me a few years ago, I could have answered them perfectly but now………I'm not so sure anymore. People look right through me. _

_So yes, I'm been dreams in which I'm dying. I think it is time to end it. I don't have family or friends so yes, I have decided to escape. _

_Lilly_

I felt another tear come to my eyes. I remember a quote from Atticus in the book To Kill A Mockingbird, 'You cannot truly understand a person until you walk around in their skin.' So that is what I'm going to do. I decided to go and walk around in Lilly's skin. I decided to start listening to the song.

I saw that I had Lilly's iPod. She wanted me to have it. I had a scroll through her songs. I noticed she had other depressing songs like My Immortal by Evanescence and Shattered by Trading Yesterday on it.

I clicked on Mad World, put it in my speaker and played it. I laid back on my bed and shut my eyes as I let the music wash over me. I was listening to the words carefully. I noticed that this had indeed mirrored Lilly's life.

_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,_

These lyrics made me feel depressed myself. Why had Lilly been thinking about death? The answer she was depressed and didn't want to tell us about it hence the line 'I find it hard to tell you.' But why had she felt it necessary not to tell us?

She had decided to take the coward's way out. There is a part of me telling me that tells me that we could have fixed it but I know deep down that I couldn't.

**A/N: This is just a quick update so that's why it's sort. I actually do like the song Mad World. Listen to it to get the full effect. Please Review =)**


	14. Understanding The Motive

**Disclaimer: **Don't own a thing =(

**Chapter 14: Understanding The Motive**

Understanding someone's motive to kill is easy; all you have to do is find out what relationship they had with the victim. Did they owe the murderer money? Did they go behind their back and do something? Did they steal their partner? Something like that. Getting into the head of the murderer is also pretty easy if you know what you are dealing with. The common questions (Who? What? When? Why? How?) come to light when thinking about this topic. You know exactly what to do. All you have to do is look at the kind of person who did the murder and see what kind of life they had.

But this all changes when the murderer and the victim is the same person and the person you are dealing with is your best friend.

What do you do in that situation? How on Earth do you get into their head? You release that you don't know the person and thus you cannot really understand them and why. The common questions apply differently and you are standing there unable to do anything because all around your world is crashing down before you.

That's how I felt when this ordeal happened. I felt like everywhere I go I am reminded of it, it will never escape me. Never.

I needed to understand this. But how do you understand something if you don't understand the person? If you can answer that I'll give you a million dollars.

I was pacing my room, trying to figure out the kind of person Lilly was. The words 'happy' 'fun' and 'awesome to be with' somehow don't apply here anymore especially the first one. If Lilly was so 'happy' why did she do it? Maybe she was happy once but not anymore it seems. Like I asked before: What made her go to from 'Happy Lilly' to 'Wanting to Kill Myself Lilly'

Nothing is ever as it seems huh?

I wish I could get into her head. Argh! That's when I couldn't take it anymore. Suddenly I just burst out of my room and ran out the front door.

I had no idea where I was running or why. I just let me feet take me wherever they will take me. I couldn't stand being in my room, all cooped up. Everything was a blur, I had no idea where I was but all I could do was keep running, keep running. Eventually I came to a stop at the most unlikely of places.

Coremin's Park.

It was the park where Lilly and Oliver use to play everyday when they were little. I had never been there myself but I had heard so many stories from my two best friends. Everyday after kindergarten, they would come here.

The park itself was a large semi circle shape. It had two sets of swings, slides and a playground complete with a firemen's pole and a rope ladder. I also noticed a sand pit on the other side as well.

I walked over to the swings and sat on it. I let my thoughts wash over me as I sat there, swinging slightly.

"Hey." Said a voice right next to me.

Funny I thought the park was empty…..wait I know that voice. I turned around and there sitting on the swings was Lilly's ghost.

"Are you going to keep following me? Because it really freaks me out that a ghost, spirit or whatever is following me."

"I don't know, something is keeping me here." Lilly said.

"Unfinished business?" I asked and Lilly nodded.

"Maybe it's to do with me understanding why you…." I let me sentence trail off. I kinda didn't want to finish it.

"Commit suicide?" Lilly supplied.

"Why did you do that? Please tell me! So that both of us can move on and I can understand." I pleaded.

Lilly sat in thought as she swung slightly back and forth. Don't ask me how a ghost can swing on a swing. Hmm, Ghost flashback.

"You know about Damien and my Dad's girlfriend." Lilly stated.

I nodded. "Tell me about them."

And so Lilly told me the truth about them. Damien had turned rouge against her. She figured that he was into drugs and that's why he had gone from a sweet, loving brother to her worst nightmare. Damien bulled and beated her until she was both physically and emotionally destroyed. She was afraid that if she told her Mum, everything would change and not for the good either.

Tears started to form in my eyes as Lilly told me story after story about how Damien would inflict pain and suffering on her. Next Lilly told me about her evil step Mum. Typical, there's one in every story. Cinderella, Snow White, you get the picture. Her evil step Mum would blame her for everything even when it wasn't her fault and soon her Dad began to turn away as well.

But somehow I knew that wasn't the full story; there must have been other reasons as well. But perhaps that is all too it. My quest for the truth was finally over…..or was it? Something kept bugging me, telling me there's more too it. If so, what?

"So that's it." Lilly finished.

"No it's not." I muttered. "There's more."

"That's up to you to figure out." Lilly smiled.

"But what else was wrong?" I wondered out loud.

"People really are oblivious." Lilly said. "It's no wonder how they couldn't figure it all out when I was actually alive."

I looked down in shame.

"You're right, if I was a better friend I could have noticed what was going on and fixed it but instead I let it slide."

"Company at two o'clock." Lilly said out of the blue.

I looked quickly up to see Lilly fade away and in the distance Jackson was running towards me in a state of panic.

"Miley!" He said in a voice of relief and shock. "There you are!"

"I'm okay Jackson." I answered. "But what's with the search party?"

"Dad's worried, he thought you ran away."

"Just needed to get my head clear." I said.

For the mystery I'm about to face I added in my thoughts. Jackson didn't say anything about it, he was to busy calling Dad to tell him that I was safe and sound. I saw him close his phone and look at me.

"Better get into the car." He said.

For a while we sat in silence. I was too busy going over what Lilly had told me. First she had told me she was telling me nothing and then she explained the bits I had found out. Hmm, she did admit there was more to it.

I must have overlooked something. Something obvious. Lilly's diary had told me half the tale but what was the other half? Was it just as simple as black and white? Or was it a shade of gray?

That's when I knew what I had to do.

"Turn the car around Jackson." I said.

"Where too and why?" Jackson asked looking at me.

"We're going to Lilly's house instead."

I needed to solve this once and for all.

**A/N: So, chapter 14 is done! I hope you guys liked it =) I have an ending in mind (two in fact) but I don't which to choose! AH! So anyway, please keep those reviews coming! I do love hearing your feedback =)**


	15. Last Entry

**Disclaimer: **So yeah, nothing really to say cos I don't own a thing

**Chapter 15: Last Entry**

Jackson has decided to drive me to Lilly's house. Not a single word was spoken through-out the entire trip. But I didn't need words to know what Jackson was thinking. He was wondering what the hell I could be possibly thinking by going to Lilly. He knew it was a grief trap for me, he knew I felt horrible just by entering that house. So why was I going? Well, that was something he was just have to find out for himself. This isn't really a topic I like discussing with other people.

The sound of Jackson pulling into the Truscott's driveway pulled me out of my thoughts. I unlocked my seatbelt and as I put my hand on the door handle, I felt Jackson's hand on my shoulder. I turned around to face him.

"Miley…" He started to say but I shook my head and bolted out of the door before Jackson could protest or say anything more.

I climbed up the stone steps and peered into the living room. There were no lights on. That's when I remembered: Mrs Truscott took on a whole new bunch of activities to get herself out of the house. Tonight was Tuesday night, so she was at a Poker. I searched my pockets for the key Lilly gave me and realised that I had forgotten it. I guess when I ran from the house I didn't stop and pause to think I was going to come here. I really ought to be carrying it around with me all the time. I always seem to be getting these urges to go and check out Lilly's room for clues…again. Even though there was probably nothing left there to see and to check out.

This brings me back to my current problem. How on Earth was I going to get in? But that's when I remembered!

_-Flashback-_

_I was walking home with Lilly one day; we were let out early because of parent teacher interviews. Dad was busy doing something for Hannah and so Lilly volunteered to let me come home with her because her Mum should be home from work. Dad said I could go home and he would try to be home quickly but I decided to walk home with Lilly. We soon reached her house and Lilly pulled on the handle._

"_Locked." She said._

"_What now? Shouldn't your Mum be home?"_

"_She should be but…oh God! She said was going to work a little later today! I thought I didn't need my house key!" Lilly said looking flustered. _

"_How are we going to get in?" I asked. _

_Lilly got this smile on her face. I looked at her strangely. Lilly soon picked up a flower pot and began running her fingers along the base of it. I was now even more confused that before. What was she doing?_

"_Uh, Lilly?"_

"_Yeah?" She said still running her fingers along the flower pot. _

"_What _are _you doing?" _

"_Wait for it…AHA!" Lilly said as the base of the flower pot opened on a hinge. Lilly pulled out some metallic objects. Lilly had a spare set of keys in her hand. Well, I suppose that's a safe way to hide the spare keys. Most people hide under the matt or above the door but Lilly's family are quite unique with the things they do. _

_Lilly let herself in and I right behind her. Lilly threw the keys into a bowl on the table next to the door._

"_Come on." She said leading me upstairs into her bedroom. _

_-End- _

If I had chosen not to walk home with her that day, I would have been locked out. Lucky for me I choose to walk home with her. Funny how this happens… I soon found the flower pot that Lilly had chosen on that day. I was praying that they hadn't changed it and it was still there. I ran my fingers along the base and found the hinge. I ran my fingers back along and found a small button and when I clicked it, the base clicked open.

The keys were still there, I grabbed them and used them to open the door and I let myself into the dimly lit hallway. Not pausing to think, I rushed up the stairs after throwing the keys into the same bowl Lilly did.

I opened the door to Lilly's bedroom and carefully looked around. Nothing was different than the last time I was here. I noticed the built up of dust in the room, clearly no one wanted to come in here voluntarily.

That's when I lost it. I just ran over to her desk and started to throw paper around everywhere. I no longer cared about leaving things exactly the same. I just wanted answers. I didn't have the entire story with anything. I had everything that had learnt running through my head. I had to see through it. I needed to.

After several minutes of searching, I collapsed on the floor and buried my hands in my face. Nothing, _nothing! _I came here expecting to find an answer but I came up short. I guess there isn't much in it after all. I ran my hands through my hair as some tears fell from my eyes. Well if there isn't anything here…..

As I got up I heard a crunch. I look down. A piece of paper was under my foot. Something made me reach down, pick it up and smooth it out. The paper was small, probably no bigger than an A5 size paper. It was a tan colour, like the colour of…..

That's when it hit me.

I turned the piece of paper over and I saw words written in a familiar handwriting. As I smoothed it out more, I noticed the date.

_July 27__th_

It was the date was the day before Lilly's parents found her …..well…..dead. This could be what I was looking for. I gulped and let my eyes scan the paper.

_Today's the day. Today is the end to all days. It is the day when I decide to finally end it. No ifs or buts. As one might say; it's time. _

_I have to do it; I have a yearning to do it. My fingers are twitching as I write this; my eyes keep glancing over at the blade sitting next to me. I pick it up; feel the soft coolness of the blade. As the sun hits it, I can see everything reflected in it. _

_I would like to see people's reaction after I do it. Will they be happy I am out of their lives? Or will it be the unspeakable and they will be actually sad? Will they feel remorse? I gulp as these thoughts progress from my brain to the paper. _

_Is this a mistake? I shake my head as I remember all the painful memories. Nothing is as it seems, I shall do this. It is the only answer. The only solution to all my problems. Everything will be fixed. Done, complete, finished. _

_So this will be my last entry. So I need to say what I need to say._

_I am finished. My life is at an end. This is what I need to do. I am in despair, in a black hole. No way out. Perhaps one day my life could have sort itself out but that's too soon. It needs to be ended…now. _

_Can one describe the pain, the suffering, the negation I am in? No, nothing can. Only when you have felt it, you know it. _

_For who is reading this, Miley – I believe that refers to you - you must have a lot of questions. Like why did I do this? What did you do? All are very good questions. I have been very private in my life. I don't like showing people my feelings. So now I am going to tell you – everything. Nothing left unsaid. _

_So why? Because my life is unwinding everyday. My life is a total wreak. My family hates me. My own brother bullies me every day until I am literally on the floor gasping breath as he looks down on me laughing. My dad's girlfriend hates me. She tells me what to do like clean the entire house before she gets back from her shopping spree. She is exactly like all the evil step mothers in all the movies. My mother is starting to turn into her. I don't know who my family is anymore. In fact – I don't know anyone any more. It seems my world around me has sped up leaving me far behind. _

_My friends – Miley, Oliver – have seemed to have forgotten me but is that even true? Has the trio gone down to a duet? Well it will after today if it hasn't. I shall let them live their lives without me weighing them down. It will be worth it in the end. They will realise that this is for the best. That my pain was just too much for me. _

_Oliver – I love you and I always will even though you may not return my feelings. I shall always remember you._

_Miley – I'll make this quick as I have already said all I wanted to say in your letter. You're my sister and I love you. Just please try and remember me._

_To my family – do better next time._

_So this is my last words. I think I may make this a sort of will. Everyone I own will go to Miley and Oliver. I think you two will be the only ones who really deserve them. So it will go to you._

_So the last words I will say to everyone is 'Goodbye and good luck' _

_Lilly signing off for the last time. _

I could see blood splattered across the page. I place my hand on the page. As everything seems to set it, I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. It took Lilly's death for me to feel like how she feels – a pit of horror, hopelessness, torture and pain. It seems almost….ironic in a sense. Nothing feels real.

My feet couldn't take my weight any longer and I collapsed on the ground, my hands buried in my hair. Tears glistened in my eyes once again. How could I have missed the signs? All the same thoughts I had first thought when I learned of her death were racing back. Soon the tears got to heavy and dropped to the floor.

"Miley?" I heard my brother calling from downstairs. I guess I didn't close the door behind me.

"Up here." I said through my tears.

I heard him running up the stairs and burst through the door frame. His face fell as he saw me on the ground, in a mess.

"It's okay." Jackson said coming to me and putting his hands around me.

"No it's not." I said. "It never has. My best friend is dead, how can it be okay?"

"In time it will."

I wonder when that will be.

"Come on, let's go home." Jackson said gently breaking the silence.

I nodded as Jackson scooped me up and carefully carried me all the way to the car. After a long silence car journey, we finally made it home.

"Jackson –" Dad said as soon as he walked into the door carrying me.

Jackson just shook his head to tell Dad to forget it. I guess Dad knew it was useless to argue the point. Jackson carried me all the way up to my bedroom and placed me on my bed. I didn't move, not once as Jackson got up.

"Jackson?" I started to say.

He turned around.

"Thanks."

He smiled and left the room. I just lay there not moving. The day's event washed over me. I guess that's that. The mystery of it has been solved. I suppose I knew the answer all the time. I guess I didn't want to accept the answer because I hadn't accepted Lilly has indeed killed herself. But now I knew it, the riddle had been solved. I closed my eyes and it finally hit me. I had finally solved the puzzle of Lilly's death.

**A/N: Hope you guys liked Ch 15. Still a bit more to come btw. I have a few ideas up my sleeve which I know you guys will like. So please REVIEW cos it makes my day =)**


	16. The Perfect Day For A Funeral

**Disclaimer: **So we're good on the whole 'I own nothing'? Because this is getting rather tiresome!

**Chapter 16: The Perfect Day For A Funeral.**

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

"Argh!" I groaned as I reached over and turned off my alarm clock.

Several days had gone by since the night Lilly talked to me on the stairs and I found on the horrible, dark, twisted truth. I still couldn't believe what had happened. How blind I was to the truth.

Grudgingly I got out of bed. It was nine o'clock in the morning. I just wanted to stay in bed. I really didn't want to do anything on _this _particular day. I sighed as I went to my wardrobe and grabbed some clothes. Now you're probably wandering why I hate this day. Well yes I've hated a lot of days but this one particularly.

Today marks the three month anniversary of Lilly's death and to honour this, the Truscott family has decided to finally put her to rest. It was kinda about time in my book. I just wanted this to be over and I want to move on from all of this. But I have to agree on the Truscotts deciding to do it on a special day.

"Miley, you up?" My father's voice drifted up the stairs.

"Yes Dad, just getting dressed." I called back.

"Good, we'll be leaving in just over an hour."

"Okay."

I searched my bedroom for my socks and pulled them on. I was halfway to the bathroom when I realised I had one white sock and one black one on. I sighed and threw them off and reached for some black tights instead. This time I managed to make it all to the bathroom without any stops along the way.

Thirty minutes later I emerged from the bathroom towelling my hair. I had cleaned my teeth and gone through the shower. I heard Jackson asking Dad where his suit jacket is and Dad telling him where it was and reminding him of the time.

Better get moving I told myself as I quickly dried my hair.

Another half an hour later I found myself downstairs in a black dress, black tights, black hat with a clear back veil. I was even carrying a black handbag for the occasion. Dad and Jackson were both sporting black suits.

Soon came a knock from the door: it was Oliver also in a black suit, but without a tie, holding a bunch of white lilies.

"They for Lilly?" I asked in almost a whisper.

Oliver resigned himself to just nod in agreement. He gave me one and one to Dad and Jackson.

"It's time." Dad whispered in a hoarse voice as though he was trying to hold back tears.

We stumbled out of our house and made it to our car as Oliver got in with his parents. This was not going to be fun.

We soon made it to the church. Lilly had wanted to be buried here. She told me once not a few months ago. We had been driving by and Oliver, the doughnut, had asked us how we preferred to die.

(His actual question was 'Would you rather be burned, buried alive, drowned or beheaded', I had said beheaded because it was quick and painless, Oliver said drowned for some reason and Lilly had agreed with me). As we were talking about it, we had passed by the church and Lilly said she would like to be buried with her family here. Over 6 generations of Truscotts have been buried here and she would like to be part of that tradition. But at least today, Lilly would be getting her wish.

We slowly started to walk towards the cemetery where a group of solemn looking people stood standing, nervously as though they didn't (or rather couldn't) socialise with people. Then again this isn't really an event most people like to bond with people. The question 'So, how did you guys meet?' 'Oh a funeral' isn't one for the books. Another major problem is how do you make conversation? What kinda of subjects do you bring up in conversation? Do you say things like 'So, how do you know the deceased's family?' I think not somehow and I think 'The weather is nice' goes only so far in this kind of situation but at least some words were exchanged.

Anyway, a quarter of an hour later the service begun. Mrs Truscott was silently weeping in a corner with her brother's arm around her, supporting her. Mr Truscott and his jerk of a girlfriend were huddle in a corner. Mr Truscott was crying into a handkerchief but it looked like his girlfriend didn't look so worried almost…relieved in a way. I guess she must have finally gotten her wish at last.

I soon found someone's hand on my shoulder and pull me into a one hand hug. I looked around and found that it was Jake. I couldn't help but silently cry into his shoulder. He just pulled me into tighter and put his other hand around me. Jake and I just stood there, crying. Both of us.

Suddenly I felt the pitter patter of rain. I rushed over to Dad who handed me an umbrella he had taken from the car just in case. Lucky for me. We weren't the only ones. Everyone else was scrambling for an umbrella as well. Well it was turning out to be the perfect day for a funeral. Soon it was time, Dad and I stood up to do a song together. Lucky for me again, everyone here knew I was Hannah Montana.

"Ready?" Dad whispered

I could only nod as Dad started strumming up 'True Friend'.

"I would like to sing today a song that expresses everything about my best friend Lilly, who was taken before her time." I said in a croaky voice.

Slowly I began to get the words out, it was a hard task. Through-out the song I noticed people's expressions. They were crying, but it was sort of like Harry's experience with the Mirror of Erisred. His Mum was crying but also smiling, just like the people here today.

Soon after a few minutes the song ended with me crying on the last note. Jake rushed up and handed me a tissue which I used to dab my eyes. I knew what was next, the placing of the roses (or in Lilly's case, lilies) on her coffin.

Lilly parents and family went first and then it was Oliver and his family. I saw Oliver kiss his hand and then the coffin. I guess even in death he will always love Lilly just how she will always love him in death. Next came our turn.

I slowly walked up behind Dad and Jackson. I heard Dad mummer something along the lines of that he was glad to know her and will miss her. Jackson said something similar and then I came after that.

"Goodbye my friend, have a happy afterlife. Who knows? I may see you again one day. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in fifty years but I promise I will see you one of these days." I whispered placing the lily on the coffin.

That's a promise I intend to keep.

Only I really knew the true meaning of what I had said. No one else knew my little meetings with the spirit of my friend. It was kinda weird in a way.

I walked back to where Dad was waiting for me. We were ready to sing the next song. As Dad and I launched into 'I Miss You' I noticed out, standing next to her grandparents graves was the ghost of Lilly. She was watching the funeral with an open expression. I just hoped it lived up to her standards. I watched her looking at me, listening to me sing. It was kinda nice.

"I miss you…" I ended but this time speaking directly to Lilly who started to cry.

Everyone kinda clapped. I smiled a little and noticed Lilly was smiling. I gave her a smile and she gave me a nod.

And then I woke up.

**A/N: So please REVIEW you're thoughts! Oh btw Captain Holly: you asked me to get this up tonight so look, I'm getting this up tonight =)**


	17. Shall The Blade Fall?

**Disclaimer: **No, somehow I don't think I own the rights

**Chapter 17: ****Shall The Blade Fall? **

I sat bolt upright in my bed, shaking with sweat and nerves. My heart was racing. I looked over to my alarm clock. It read 9:15. I sighed as I began to relax and got back into bed. The dream I had was so real. It _felt _real. I couldn't believe what had happened in my dream. How Lilly had decided to end it because…

Wait a minute! I sat bolt upright again. In my dream, my dream-self had discovered things that were very similar in real life. Like for the fact Lilly _had _been down this year and I may way down. Stuff that had happened, happened because on a certain day Lilly had decided to…

I quickly looked at my clock again. It read July 27th.

I quickly threw myself out of bed and quickly got some clothes on. I quickly rushed out my bedroom door on foot while the other was trying to get into the other shoe. I nearly fell over trying to get ready.

"You okay Miles?" I heard Jackson's voice wafting through the walls.

"Yeah." I called back.

"What in blue blazes is going on?" Dad's called.

"Nothing, just forgot I had to do something."

"Well do it quietly." He said.

"Okay." I said grabbing my jacket and almost sprinting out the door.

I jumped into my car and started the engine. I heard the engine roar into life as I began to back out of my driveway. This was insane, purely insane. I was driving to Lilly's half past nine in the morning for no apparent reason whatsoever. This was insane! All because of some strange dream I had, even though most of it made sense and as I looked back on my dream, I started to realise some stuff my dream-self missed. Little signs, clues.

I slammed on my breaks just before I ran a red light. I had been so lost in thoughts that I hadn't noticed my surroundings. As I gazed at the traffic light, my thoughts wandered back to Lilly. What was I going to do? Knock on the door and wait for answer? It didn't work out for my dream-self though.

Finally I reached the Truscotts at ten. Stupid traffic. Lilly could killed herself by now! If she was planning to…

I had to park around the corner just in case she saw me coming and changed everything. I waited in my car, thinking about a plan. I could Lilly writing something on her table. I could see her eyes flicker towards something next to her. It was just like the diary page entry. I would bet my entire life savings that Lilly's eyes were flickering towards a blade. I gulped as I realised everything was coming true.

Déjà vu wouldn't ya say?

I had to make sure Lilly wouldn't see me. I quickly ran around back and jumped the fence. Years of practice were certainly helping now. Sneaking out or in, thank GOD I wasn't the perfect child. I quickly snuck around back and took out my keys which have a spare set of keys to the Truscott house. I fitted the back door key in the lock, the lock clicked and I opened the door to the laundry room. I quietly walked up the stairs, right up. If I was right, then Mr and Mrs Truscott shouldn't be here. According to my dream, which happened to be true in this case, they were away for the weekend.

Only Lilly was home.

Perfect time for a suicide

I still had no plan. Was I just going to fight Lilly for the blade? That might not be the best idea I've ever had. Or was I going to talk her out of it like how people talk people off roves? That would definitely be the safer option and but probably the harder one. Gosh, this was going to be harder than I thought.

So what to do, what to do? I could almost see a little me in my head, pacing up and down, weighing up the choices. I almost laughed at the thought if the choices I was thinking about weren't so life threatening.

I tipped toed up the stairs and hovered at Lilly's door. I could still see Lilly writing, perhaps she has been expecting me. Nah, how could she have seen me? I was just being paranoid here. Lilly is just writing in her diary, nothing else.

I turned to walk away when I it saw out of the corner of my eye. Lilly was slowing reaching for a long, shiny object. I could see it entirely in slow motion. The horror began to appear on my face. She was actually going to do it; it was real, all true. I could hardly believe it, the dream…it was coming true.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you." I said into the silence leading against the doorframe, folding my arms.

Lilly turned sharply around, the blade still in her arm. A look of shock appeared on her face as she saw who was in her bedroom.

"How did you know?" She stammered.

"I just know when my best friend is in trouble."

Lilly just stared at me.

"You never noticed, how could you know?" Lilly spat.

"Lilly-"

"No, I don't want to hear it." Lilly said as she placed the blade on her wrist.

"Lilly!" I shouted unfolding my hands. "Please don't!"

"I don't care!"

"I DO!" I shouted even louder.

"No you don't." She snarled, tightening her grip.

"You think I don't. You have somehow convinced yourself that no one cares, that no one gives a damn. But the truth is that we do. There are people who love you and will miss you greatly if you take the god damn blade and slice it right across your wrist! So I'm asking you to put that blade down and come with me."

Lilly had been looking through-out my entire little speech but when I finish, a cruel smile was playing around her lips. I wasn't liking that. I just hope she had been listening to me the entire time.

"You really believe that?"

"Yes I do."

She still had the cruel smile as though she knew something I didn't. I hope she isn't thinking what I hope she is thinking.

"You really believe that I am loved by people?" Lilly asked.

"Yes, deep down everyone loves you. Sure Damien had gone off the deep end and you think your family doesn't love you. But that is not true. Oliver and I haven't ignored you or forgotten you and if you give me a chance I will explain everything."

Lilly looked shocked once again.

"How do you know all that stuff?" She spluttered.

"Lilly listen to me, please I'll explain once you put the blade down. Once you do, everything will be alright."

"You really believe all that?" Lilly asked again. "You really believe that what you have been telling me is true?"

"Yes I do."

Lilly sighed before looking at me then at the blade. It looked as though she was thinking what to do. Please God, let her choose the right one.

"Because I don't."

And with that she took the dagger and sliced her wrist in one swift movement.

******A/N: I hope you all have enjoyed the route this story has taken. Please Review! =)**


	18. How To Save A Life

**Disclaimer: **Do I really need to say it?

**Chapter 18: How To Save A Life **

I watched Lilly take the blade and run it across her wrist as though it was in slow motion. I watched to shout, scream, yell, anything but words failed me. I finally mustered myself to yell in terror as my face expression changed from wonder to shock to horror. I watched as the blade fell on the floor. Everything seems to be in slow motion these days.

"It is done." Lilly smiled as blood was pouring out of her arm.

I yelled out in pain as I noticed the calmness coming across her face. How could she have done it? Everything was coming true! I should start planning her funeral if things continue the way they're going.

The blood drain from both of our faces, leaving us both with pale faces. Although in Lilly's case, the blood was literally draining from her face. Suddenly Lilly eyes back into her head and looked like she was going to faint.

"NO!" I shouted, running to catch her just in time as she fainted in my arms.

Would my dream come true? Would all this be for nothing? NO! I would not allow it! I would not allow myself to go though the same things my dream-self went through. It my dream everyone miserable, upset, depressed but I would make sure those emotions would only happen for a bit.

I hurriedly grabbed my phone and dialled 111.

"111 emergency, what service do you require?" The voice, a female voice, at the other end of my cell phone said.

"Yes, my friend is badly wounded; can you please send an ambulance as quickly as possible?" I said in a panicky voice.

Soon the voice at the other end asked where to send the ambulance and I responded with Lilly's address.

"May I ask who I'm speaking to?"

"Miley Stewart." I quickly answered

Come on, I was thinking. The more time we waste is more time for Lilly to continue to bleed out.

"How hurt is your friend Miss Stewart?"

"She has a sliced wrist that has a lot of blood pouring out." I said.

I could almost see the shocked expression on her face as she realised what was going on. Well she must have with what she said next.

"An ambulance is on the way, I have to advise you to keep pressure on the wound till they get there."

PRESSURE! How much Grey's Anatomy does a girl need to watch to learn that when someone is bleeding out, the best way to stop the bleeding is to apply pressure to the wound? Gosh! I could have cost Lilly her life. But she had probably done that for herself anyway.

"Thank you, please hurry." I said.

"They should be there soon. Good luck with saving your friend." The female voice said before hanging up.

Pressure, pressure. I kept thinking to myself as I looked around the room for something to stop the bleeding. I quickly placed both hands on the wrist and applied lots of pressure to stop the bleeding. Hopefully the wound will start to clot soon. I had to find something a little better otherwise I'm gonna be stuck here for ages, holding her like this. The only other thing I could think of would be something like a cloth but all those are downstairs or in Lilly's bathroom across the hall. That would be mission impossible. I couldn't move for long otherwise Lilly would bleed out and lose a lot more blood than she has. I think the best thing for me at the moment would be to wait here for the ambulance; I still have no idea what to do when they show up. Well I shall cross that bridge when I come to it.

I just stayed there, on my knees with my hands covering the injury for what seem ages but in fact was only a few minutes. Soon I heard the relieving sounds of the ambulance approaching. I heaved a sigh of relief. I had done my part; I had found and managed to keep Lilly alive until they got here. I had done my part and now it's there's.

I could hear knocking on the door downstairs. I guess that is the paramedic.

"Come up!" I shouted as loud as I could. "I'm up here!"

I could hear shuffling of feet getting louder and louder. Soon the door burst open and two male paramedics came through the door loaded with supplies. They quickly surveyed the scene and noticed me in the middle of a blood stain carpet, surrounded by a pool of blood (kneeling in it too might I add).

"Here." One said taking some bandages out of his medical kit and taking my place as the person applying pressure to Lilly's wrist.

I tried to get up but the other one grabbed me and studied me. He noticed I had pretty much blood all over me.

"Are you at all hurt?" He asked checking for any sources of blood.

"No," I said. "That's all her blood. I've been here for a bit."

The paramedic nodded.

"So what happened here?" He asked.

I began to tear up as I recounted the events of what had happened today. Suddenly the whole thing just hit me. I had been so emerged in trying to save Lilly that I had completely forgotten what I was trying to save her from: herself.

"It's okay." He said gently. "The police were right behind us, why don't you call your family and then give a statement if you can?"

I nodded as I pulled out my cell phone and called home. Jackson ended up being the one to pick up.

"Hey, Jackson speaking." Jackson answered.

"J-Jackson," I manage to say through my tears.

"Woah, Miley are you crying?" His voice had shifted from casual to alarm.

"J-Jackson, c-could y-you and d-dad c-come over-er to L-Lillys. S-something has c-come up, can you g-guys come quickly? I-I'll e-explain l-later!"

"Sure Miles! Let me tell Dad." He said. "HEY DAD! Miles needs us at Lilly's!"

"Why?" I heard Dad answer back.

"Dunno, she said she'll explain later."

"Alright tell her we'll be there as soon as we can."

" ''Kay! Miles?" I could hear Jackson's voice a lot clearer now.

"I know I heard." I said.

"Good, we should be there in about ten. Is that alright?"

"Good, see you soon." I hung up after that.

"Now what?" I asked the paramedic.

"Let's go back down to talk to the police and then I'll come back and help my partner fix your friend. Okay?"

I nodded and followed him downstairs.

"By the way, what is your name?" He asked.

"Miley." I said simply.

This time he nodded and we soon reached the police cars parked outside Lilly's house. Three armed policemen were waiting for me.

"This is Sergeant Andrews, Miley. He will be taking your statement when your family gets here."

I nodded.

"Don't worry you're in safe hands." Sergeant Andrews said.

I nodded again. That was all I could muster for the time being

"Right now I need to check on your friend." The paramedic said and he raced off back upstairs loaded with more supplies.

"So," said Sergeant Andrews breaking the silence. "Should we wait for your family? Or do you want to give your statement now?"

"Can we wait for Lilly's family as well?" I asked and the sergeant nodded.

I just stood there for what seem ages, I was nervous and jumpy. I had no idea what to do. I was completely lost. I had no idea what to do, what to expect. I had never been in this situation before and I hoped never have to again. This was not the kind of thing you wanna find yourself in. So yes, I just went along with the flow for now. Soon I heard my Dad's car pull into Lilly's driveway. I felt so relieved. Finally, someone to talk to.

"Miley! What is going on?" Jackson asked as soon as he saw me.

I didn't answer instead I just ran up and gave him a hug. Jackson looked a little weird and patted my should awkwardly. I guess I don't do this very often. Then he noticed the police cars and the ambulance. He just stared at them. I guess what gave him the biggest shock of them all was when the two paramedics came down carrying Lilly on a stretcher with an oxygen mask.  
"What the hell is going on?" Jackson gasped, saying something at last.

"W-well,' But that was all I could get out because Dad came touring in a second later and just gaped at the scene.

"Miley Ray Stewart, what in all the blue blazes is going on here?" He said.

"I just asked that very question." Jackson commented.

"Dad, I think you're going to have to ring Mr and Mrs Truscott." I said after taking in a deep breath.

"Why?" Dad looked confused. "Miley, Lilly just passed us on a stretcher with an oxygen mask. What could be so horrible that she need that equipment? Can you please tell us what is going on here?"

"I will, when the Truscotts come."

"Miley, if it was a simple accident like Lilly accidently sliced herself with a meat cleaver or something you would tell us straight away. Obviously this is way more than that." Jackson observed.

I breathed a lot more heavier now. Jackson was for the first time, being smart. I decided it would be a lot easier to tell everyone at one time. I didn't want to repeat myself more than once. Once would be enough.

"I'll tell everyone at once." I said at last.

Jackson and Dad nodded. Suddenly I heard my name being shouted across the street. Of course; Oliver lived across the street. He would have seen the flashing lights of the sirens and thought something was surely up. Now I have to face yet another family to talk to. This was not going to fun.

"Miley!" Oliver shouted running over. "What's going on? Is Lilly okay? What's happening? I saw Lilly on a stretcher, is she okay?"

Oliver rambled out about hundred questions that were basically the same question just worded differently. I held up my hand to make him stop. He stopped immediately and looked at me questionably.

"I'll tell you once the Truscotts get here." I said and Oliver nodded.

"Hey kid," The paramedic from before came back. "The work you did may have actually saved her life. Good job." He patted me on the back.

I felt relieved once again. Lilly would be alright, she would make it. I breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was going to be okay.

"Now what?" I asked the paramedic.

"You can ride in the ambulance if you want." He shrugged.

I nodded.

"Okay, hop in." He said opening the door.

I saw Lilly on a bed with an oxygen mask and a UV drip attached to her. I jumped in but before sitting next to Lilly, I turned to Dad and Jackson.

"Tell the Truscotts to meet us at the hospital." I said to them and they nodded.

I sat next to Lilly and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Please get through this." I whispered gently.

Lilly just looked pale and unconscious as ever.

Soon the huge, white building of Malibu General came into view. I breathed another sigh of relief as I saw the big red cross on the sign and the flashing lights.

The ambulance swerved around and came to a halt in front of an automatic doorway which probably lead to the ER or Trauma room. Three doctors stood waiting at the doorway looking excited.

"What do we got?" One of them asked as soon as the ambulance doors opened.

"Female, 16, major loss of blood due to the sliced wrist which resulted in severed bone and bone tissue. Maybe have multiple more traumas due to the loss of blood." The paramedic who has been with me earlier said to the doctors.

"Okay," Said the doctor who had asked about Lilly. "Order an X-Ray of the wrist and start by giving her blood."

"Her blood type is A-" I said jumping out of the ambulance.

"Who's this?" asked the second doctor taking Lilly's chart and examining it.

"Her friend who helped to applied pressure on the wrist." The second paramedic said also climbing out of the ambulance to help unload Lilly.

"Please will Lilly be okay?" I asked as they took her away.

"Don't worry, we'll do everything possible but right now it looks quite serious. The work you did help but it looked like she had loss quite a lot of blood so it could be a while before we know anything more." The first doctor said.

I nodded as the third doctor said "Clear the way"

Just as they were taking her away, Dad and Jackson pulled up in Dad's car while the Oken's pulled up in there's. I rushed up to them with a worried expression etched on my face. They turned to me, also looking worried.

"Is she going to be alright?" Oliver asked me getting out.

"I don't know they're taking her to be looked up but they think there may be long term effects."

Oliver looked even more worried now.

"Well I've called Lilly's parents. They're quite hysterical." Dad said.

"I bet they are." Jackson said and the rest of us nodded in agreement.

Dad ignored him and continued.

"They said they'll be here in a few minutes. We were lucky that they had quite a few errands to do before they left for the weekend."

"That's good." I noted.

"Well shall we?" Mrs Oken said gesturing towards the door.

We all nodded and headed inside.

We emerged inside what seemed a pretty hectic room. If you've watched any medical show like House or Grey's Anatomy when they show a pretty traumatic with lots of causalities well think again. There must have been a serious accident because several people had what looked like pretty serious conditions wrong with them. Several doctors ran passed us with a patient which a huge stick of glass protruding from his chest. We all gapped at that. It was pretty intense what was going on. But that's not the worse of it. As we past Trauma Room 1, I heard a doctor call time of death. Man, if that doesn't say serious and intense then I don't know what does. I now remembered what happened: there was a bus or something that had crashed into several cars.

"Hi I'm Doctor Sinclair," The first doctor who had approached us before said. "I need to ask some questions about your friend."

"Fire away." I said.

"First, what's her name?"

"Lilly, Lilly Truscott."

"Age?"

"16 like the paramedic said."

"Does she have a parent or guardian?"

"Her parents are coming."

"Good, we'll need to talk to them later."

"Why can't you talk to us?" Mrs Oken said.

"Confidently of the patient m'am." The doctor said.

"We're like family."

"But you're still not though. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to wait for Mr and Mrs Truscott."

We all groaned. The not knowing was getting really agonising and now we have to wait longer because we have no idea where or how long Mr and Mrs Truscott could be. They could be here in minutes or in hours. We have no idea! Gosh, this was starting to seriously get on my nerves.

"I guess we should find somewhere and wait." Jackson said.

Thanks for pointing out the obvious I though while mentally rolling my eyes. But no one else said anything so we went to the waiting room, found a good spot and sat down.

So we waited and waited…..and waited.

Even though people were talking all around me I felt like there was no sound. Like I had gone suddenly deaf. I didn't even hear Oliver yelling at me.

"Miley!" Oliver yelled into my ear getting my attention at last.

"Yeah what?" I said turning around.

"Wanna do something?" He asked.

"Yeah why not?" I shrugged.

"Hey why not play cards with me?" Someone from behind us said.

We turned around, a man in about his twenties was grinning us at while pulling out a deck. Oliver and I looked at each other with expressions that said 'Don't see why not' and we nodded.

The man shuffled the deck and dealt out cards.

"The game is Scum." He said.

I grinned. I love Scum.

"Names Cedric." The man said.

"Miley." I said.

"Oliver."

"What you in here for?" Cedric placing three threes on the chair we were using for a table.

"Our friend is badly injured and we're waiting for her parents to come so she can get consent." Oliver filled in Cedric as he place three sixes on the pile. "You?"

"My fiancée has to have surgery after someone stupidly crashed his car into hers She was in that bus accident. She was driving to the bank and got hit." He said glumly

"Ouch." I grimaced, placing three kings on the pile.

"Bet you're gonna sue." Oliver said.

"Oh yeah! Big time!" He said. "I'm out."

"Me too." Oliver said.

"YAY! I start." I said grabbing the pile and placing down a straight of 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and a Jack.

"Woah! Eight card straight." Cedric admired. "Joker beats straight though!"

Cedric tossed a Joker down and I groaned. At least one joker was out thought.

"Come to papa!" He added grabbing the pile and starting a new run with a pair of fours.

We continued to play a number of games like Cheat, Kings In The Corner, Blackjack, Last Card, more Scum, Poker and Jin for about three hours. I was very surprised about how much time had gone by. It was actually quite fun. Thank God we had something to do otherwise we'd be bored out of our skulls.

While we were playing we found out a lot about Cedric. He's currently studying to be accountant, twenty two years old, been dating his girlfriend Julie and proposed to her a few months ago. It was all really interesting.

After our fifth game of Cheat however, Dad drew me to the fact that the Truscotts had now arrived. About time! I thought as I got up to say hello to them.

"Well?" I said as before they could even open their mouths.

"Her X-Ray showed that her bone had been severed and broken." Mr Truscott said before Mrs Truscott could get all emotional. "The lost of blood have had some effect on her vital organs and she went into a multisystem failure. She's had a quick surgery to fix all that and now she's resting. The doctor said she should wake up anytime now."

I gestured for him to continue.

"She should be okay." Mr Truscott added quickly.

Phew! Lilly was going to be okay. But before I could have a few seconds of relief, Sergeant Andrews came along. I knew he'd be around here somewhere and now that Lilly's was probably going to be alright and that the Truscotts had shown up, he'd be wanting my statement and so would everyone else, now that I think about it. This was not going to be easy.

"You ready?" He asked gently

I nodded and everyone gathered around to listen to what I had to say.

"What I have to say will not be easy." I started, they all nodded for me to continue.

I cleared my throat and continued.

"Jackson was right before, if it was a simple accident I would have come clean and just told everyone but nothing is ever that simple."

They all looked confused. I took this as a cue to carry on. I thought I would just say it.

"Lilly tried to commit suicide." I said simply.

The reactions vary but all pretty much said the same thing. Mrs Truscott looked at as though she could faint, Oliver and Mr Truscott looked horrified, Mr and Mrs Oken looked mortified, Dad gaped and Jackson just looked at me as though he couldn't believe it.

"B-but why?" Oliver asked.

"Lilly had been feeling neglected a lot."

"We have never-" Mrs Truscott began but I put a hand up to shut her up.

"Did you notice that Damien had been beating her up till a point that she couldn't breathe?" I asked looking directly to her.

That bit I knew was true. Everything in my dream had been making so much sense. Everything that I missed was becoming clear to me now. It seems my subconscious had been trying to warn me.

Mrs Truscott shook her head slightly with an amazed look on her face as though she too, couldn't believe it.

"I thought not." I said.

"But why though?" Oliver asked.

I knew they'd want a full explanation so I launched into the story. Everything that my dream-self had found out seemed to fit and so I said everything that my dream-self had found out. When I finished everyone looked amazed.

"How do you know all this stuff?" Oliver asked, looking confused again. "I mean, we never noticed any of it, so how did you?"

"This is going to sound really weird but I had a dream about all of this." I said getting shocked and disbelieved expressions from everyone.

"What?" Everyone said and it was on their faces as well.

So I decided to tell them all about my experiences in my dream state.

"How do we know that's true?" Mr Oken seemed sceptical and let's face it, I would be too if a seventeen year old was telling me that she knew all this through her dreams.

"How did I know Lilly was trying to kill herself?" I argued back.

"Good point." He said.

"But when I talked to her about Damien it seemed to trigger something." I said looking back on my conversation with her.

Nobody had time to answer me because a voice said suddenly "You Lilly Truscott's family and friends?"

The speaker was one of those doctors who had met me at the ambulance bay. Next to him stood Doctor Sinclair.

"Yes?" Mrs Truscott said.

"I have the X-Rays you wanted." Doctor Sinclair said handing a folder to her. "And you should go and visit your daughter." He added.

"We got side tracked talking to the police." Mr Truscott explained gesturing towards Sergeant Andrews.

Sergeant Andrews had not talked this entire time but instead had been taking notes. He looked up at the sound of his name.

"I think I'm all done, go and visit her." He said waving at us to go; we all nodded and headed upstairs.

But before I went up I turned to Cedric.

"Good luck, I hope Julie gets better real quick."

"Thanks you too with your friend. I'm sorry but I heard. I'm so sorry." He said softly.

"Thanks. I don't blame ya for overhearing. We weren't exactly quite."

He just laughed.

"Maybe I'll see you soon after all this is over?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll come visit you. I wanna meet Julie." I said.

"She'd like you. You're a lot like her when she was your age."

It was my time to laugh.

"See you soon." I said walking backwards.

"Bye!" He said waving.

We soon reached Lilly's room and walked in. She was hooked up to a machine that I had no idea what it was doing. Probably one of those 'after surgeries' machines as I liked to call them.

We just sat there staring at Lilly, willing her to wake. But the minutes ticked by and she still hadn't woken. I was getting more anxious now. So many thoughts were racing through my head like 'Will she wake up?' But I forced myself to calm down, slowdown and think 'Happy thoughts'

I soon got lost in my thoughts thinking about all of this but I wasn't able to think for long because suddenly I heard a groan and looked around.

"Miley?"

Lilly had woken.

**A/N: A nice long chapter for you guys to make up for the wait. I hope you've enjoyed this chapter =) Longest chapter I think I've written about 8 pages I think =) Well I'm gonna go and do my Income Statment now =(  
See ya =)**


	19. Questions and Answers

**Disclaimer: **All rights go to Disney. I only own the character I made up and of course the plotline.

**Chapter 19: Questions and Answers**

We all turned sharply to look at Lilly. She was pale and broken. You could still see the pain in her eyes; I remember seeing them when I first ran all the way to her room to stop her doing the unthinkable.

As soon as she saw that her daughter was awake, Mrs Truscott instantly went to Lilly's side. Lilly could see that she was struggling to be comfortable with her. Maybe because it was that she never felt connected with her lately or that fact that I had caught her trying to kill herself. Either way, I could see where she was coming from.

We all stood in silence for what seem ages. I knew we were all thinking the same thing. We were all bursting to say it but like me, they seem to think it was too early to question what had happened.

Never once in a million years did I think I would be in the situation I am in now but here I am, in a hospital room with my hands clasped behind my back, rocking back and ford on my feet. But now I can say I have. I glanced at Oliver who quickly avoided me. Lilly had clearly noticed the tension and the awkwardness in the air. She was deliberately avoided everyone's gazes, instead she found her monitor extremely interesting.

Minutes past.

I was waiting for someone to burst. Someone to shout out what we were all thinking for the last several minutes. In the end I knew it was going to be me but I had no idea how to phase the question. I decided it would be best to just remain quiet. I then decided to remain looking at Lilly, hoping that she would be the one to break the silence.

Lilly had seen that I was looking at her. She shifted her gaze onto me for a moment before looking at everyone else. Then it clicked for her, I could see it in the eyes. The realisation of it all, the reason why we didn't start asking questions about why she was hurt and why she didn't need to make up some story. She knew that we knew. However she, like us, was struggling to break the silence. But in the end she knew that she must and so did we by that matter.

We all burst at the same time.

"You know." Lilly said in a shaky voice.

"You idiot!" I shouted.

"What is wrong with you?" Oliver exclaimed.

"Why didn't you come to us?" Mr and Mrs Truscott cried.

"Did you have to sink so low?" Jackson said.

"You had people to talk to, why didn't you?" Dad said quietly.

"Was it really going to be worth it?" Mr Oken said, looking disgusted.

"Were you even sure this is what you wanted?" Mrs Oken said.

We all looked at each other afterwards. No one dared to laugh at the timing of it all. We just looked at Lilly, all of us demanding an answer. Lilly sighed. She knew she had to explain all the ins and outs of it.

"Alright I'll answer your questions if you answer mine." She said after a while.

"Questions?" Oliver sneered. "You don't deserve to have questions, we're the ones who do. We want answers!" He shouted the last bit.

"How about we ask one, she ask one?" I said trying to negotiate.

I didn't want a shouting match while we're in the hospital. I definitely didn't want our private business known all around the hospital.

"Fine." Oliver said while Lilly nodded.

"Who goes first?" Jackson asked. "Because I think we get to."

"I agree with you." I said. "We deserve to go first."

"Fine," Lilly sighed. "Hit me with your best shot. I'm ready to hear the disappointment."

"Okay," Mrs Truscott said. "Why didn't you come to us? We're here for you my love."

Lilly didn't want to answer that but it was I that came to her rescue. It was clearly a topic she didn't want to discuss with her parents. But in this situation, you _need _to talk to your parents. It's basically the first thing you do.

"Lilly didn't think you would understand." I mumbled.

Everyone looked at me before remembering my little speech before hand. Everyone looked at Lilly then at her parents.

"Is this true?" Mr Truscott demanded of his daughter.

"A bit." Lilly said in a very small voice.

"Well?"

"Well it's just that you guys had become so distance lately and if I came to you about anything you would shun me away."

Lilly seemed like she didn't want to give away anything more.

"My turn," She looked at Oliver. "Did you really mean what you said to me on the beach the other week?"

Oliver stayed still for a minute before he exploded.

"NO!" He said tearing at his hair. "I wish I would have said yes and if I did maybe I could have helped you but I thought….." He trailed off; evidently he like Lilly, didn't want others to know about their beach meeting.

"My turn," Oliver said. "And it fits in with your question. If I _had _said yes, would you have done it?"

"Hold on," Mr Truscott interrupted. "What is this thing?"

Lilly ignored her father before continuing.

"Maybe, there were other contributing factors. I really don't know."

Oliver nodded.

"So how was it?" Lilly asked.

"What?" I asked her back, I was confused.

"The party. I overheard you and Oliver talking about having a party."

So my dream-self had been right again. Lilly _had _overheard us talking about the party but she didn't know half of it.

"We never had it, it was supposed to be today but obviously we had to cancel it." Oliver said.

"That's not what she wants to know." I said.

Everyone looked at me.

"She wants to know why we were throwing a party without her."

"How did-" Lilly started but I cut her off.

"We were planning a surprise party for _you_!" I said. "We knew we hadn't seen you in a bit so we arranged this. It was too make up for our behaviour. You would have known that if you had asked."

"So wanting to be partners with Oliver, you keeping this from me, was just to make sure I was surprised?" Lilly said sounding surprised herself.

"Yes." I nodded. "Guess you aren't losing your best friends like you thought."

"Before I ask my question, does anyone have a question?' Lilly asked.

"We want to know the story." Mr Oken said, talking for the first time in a while.

And so Lilly told them. She was speaking into her blankets as she did though. I already knew everything she was telling them. All this time I just thought it was coincidence but I know better now. My dream was some kind of vision. What would have happened if Lilly had gone through with it.

Nobody moved or said anything while Lilly was speaking. Not once sound was heard as Lilly was talking. Not once in my life had I been in a situation with virtually no noise. It was kind of creepy.

When Lilly finished talking, everyone didn't know what to say or do. It was if they were hoping that someone else would save them. But nobody did. I knew that Lilly had a few questions of her own so I didn't dare to speak. Everyone else was still in shock from the story that we were just told.

We all realised where Lilly was coming from. It was clear from her side of the story. She didn't make the decision lightly. She thought she was doing the best thing for her. She had obviously put some thought into the idea.

"Did you know what Damien was doing?" Lilly asked into the silence after a moment.

Mr and Mrs Truscott shook their heads.

"What about your girlfriend? Any idea what she was up too?" Lilly asked again.

Again they shook their heads.

"You are so oblivious." Lilly muttered and as she did I heard Mrs Truscott let out a small whimper.

"Why did he change? He was so good to me a couple of years ago." Lilly said desperately. "Why did he have to change?"

"We thought you didn't you to know what your brother had become." Mr Truscott said. "We thought you didn't need to know."

"Well you thought wrong." I said. "Look at what's it done."

"I see that _now_." Mr Truscott said impatiently.

"So what was it?" Lilly asked.

"Several months ago, your brother was a party." Mrs Truscott began.

I could see where this was going, it was too obvious, too cliché. It always starts at a party and then…..well we all know.

"One of his friends had some drugs and convinced Damien that it was not going to do any harm. Well of course it did. All drugs do in the end." Mr Truscott said.

"So what happened?" I asked.

"He turned to a life of crime after he ran out of money. Dropped out of University too I might add."

Nobody had anything to add. We went back to standing in silence.

"What I want to know," Lilly said, once again, breaking the silence. "Is how Miley knew what I was up too."

Everyone turned to look at me this time. I could tell it was on their minds as well as Lilly's. I cleared my throat and turned to look at them.

"Well, I had this kind of dream." I said. "I told you about it earlier. I don't what it was or why I had. I reckon that it was some kind of vision."

"What was in this dream?" Lilly enquired.

"Well it was me trying to find out why you had committed suicide."

"How?" Oliver asked.

"I found Lilly's diary and I read some of the entries. It gave me clues and I put the pieces together."

"You read my diary?"

"Well yeah, sorry." I mumbled.

"It's okay, it was bound to happen now that my secret it out. Tell me more." Lilly said.

And so I told her everything. I spoke for nearly half an hour, explaining what had happened. The part that really shocked them was when I told them that I had seen Lilly's ghost or phantom. It shocked me too, now that I think about it. When I finally stopped, everyone looked at me.

"That makes no sense." Oliver said and I nodded.

I guess we were all trying to make sense of it but I guess not all questions are answered but I believe the answer will come one day.

**A/N: Well it has certainly been a while. Sorry I have been really busy with my mocks, studying and I have final exams coming up. But tonight I wanted to write so I decided to write this. It's nearly finished. Please review =)**


	20. The Final Pieces

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Damn!

**Chapter 20: The Final Pieces**

Several days had past since Lilly had woken. Nothing had changed much except for perhaps the way I look at her. I'll never again take anyone for how they seem. I had thought Lilly was happy with her life but now, I know better now.

There had been an incident a couple of days before when Lilly had tried to strangle herself with her wires. Luckily I was walking past on my way to the cafeteria when I noticed it. Twice in a few days, that is not good. They chained Lilly's hands to her bed after that. Lilly wasn't so happy about that.

However as the days wore on, Lilly had soon accepted that she wouldn't be able to get away with it, since everyone was on alert. So Lilly had decided to set her mind on the more positive things in life.

Students from school like Sarah came to visit. We all gave them the same story: that Lilly had accidently cut herself while cooking. I think everyone, including Lilly, didn't want the true story to get out.

One bright and sunny Saturday when Cedric wheeled in his fiancée: Julie. I was sitting on Lilly's bed with Oliver on the chair next to us, we were just chatting when Cedric pushed open the door.

Julie had been a lucky one apparently. She had broken both her ribs, arm and a leg. She had survived the surgery and was on her way to full recovery. We had sat there talking about all kinds of things. Lilly's attempted suicide didn't come up though and I was surprised. However when Cedric was leaving he gave me two thumbs up before leaving with his fiancée. I smiled. It must have been the first time I had smiled in a while. It always seemed too hard to be happy now.

That same day, Mrs Truscott called me and Oliver over where she was sitting in the cafeteria. Oliver and I were hungry and decided to get some food while Lilly was having her x-ray of her wrist taken. We soon found the cafeteria and sitting in a table was Mr and Mrs Truscott. When she waved us over, we sat down with our lunch.

"How's Lilly?" Mrs Truscott asked.

"Good, I think." I replied.

I had suddenly noticed a lot of forms sitting in front of her. I wondered what they said. There was a pen lying next to them but it didn't look like she had signed anything. Well not yet.

"What are those forms Mrs Truscott?" Oliver asked, obviously he had noticed them too.

As he asked, Mr and Mrs Truscott gave a look to each other. I wondered if they were considering telling us. After a while, Mr Truscott cleared his throat.

"We want your opinion on something."

"What?" I asked.

"This." He said tapping the papers.

"And that is?" I asked making 'please continue' motions with my hand.

"Transfer papers." He said after a moment.

"To psyche and therapy." Mrs Truscott said in a very small voice.

"What?" Oliver said. "You think Lilly needs to see a shrink?"

"Well, yeah." She said.

I didn't blame them. They had just found out that their daughter had tried to kill herself the other day. They apparently didn't want a repeat. Nor did I, for that matters.

"What does it involve?" I asked.

"Just to see a physiatrist three times a week." Mr Truscott said.

"That's not too bad." Oliver said. "Lilly won't take it well though."

He was right. Barely had Mr and Mrs Truscott had suggested it, Lilly had gone all rigid. She had a screaming match with her parents but in the end they told her that she will do it and there will be no more arguments. They came out of the room, shaking their heads. Oliver and I had to stay outside for the meeting but we knew what was going on. We were peeping through the glass. We could tell through the body language. This is not going to be easy, I thought glumly.

But the next day, Lilly's parents forced up to the fourth floor where Lilly stayed there for over an hour. Oliver and I were in the cafeteria. Oliver had thought ahead and bought Cluedo along with him. Oliver chose Professor Plum and I decided on Miss Scarlet. We had begged Jackson to play (since we needed three people) and Jackson after many pleading choose to be Colonel Mustard.

We were about halfway into the game when Jackson asked the question we were all wondering for ourselves.

"Do you think she will be alright?"

"I think so." I said choosing my words carefully. "We may never know. It may be months or years before her life starts turning around. Remember: she had been going through a lot when she was even thinking about ending it. We just have to be supportive and not give her any reason to harm herself."

Jackson and Oliver both nodded. We continued onwards with our game with me spectacularly losing to Oliver who somehow had figured out it was Mrs White with the revolver in the dining room. How he managed to get all three in the space I had only got one (I had only figured out that it was Mrs White), don't ask me.

"It's always Mrs White." Jackson said as we packed away our game. "Always, if not her then Miss Scarlet."

"I know, right?" I said shaking my head.

Afterwards Oliver and I headed up to Lilly's room to find her lying in her bed reading a book labelled 'Suicide: A Guide To Recovery'.

"Hey." I said walking in.

Lilly snapped the book shut and looked at me but didn't answer.

"You okay?" I said.

"I guess." She said sighing. "Miley?" She asked looking me right in the eyes.

"Yeah?" I said sitting on her bed.

"Why didn't you let me die?"

"I would have thought that was obvious." I said. "You're my best friend. I couldn't just sit back and watch you kill yourself."

Lilly didn't answer as she processed this. Silence fell since none of us knew what to say next. My eyes fell upon a stack of books on Lilly's bedside table. I managed to make out some of the titles: 'Turn That Frown Upside Down', 'Feelings and Thoughts' and "So You Wanna Kill Yourself?'.

"Those are just self-help books. My psychiatrist gave them to read." Lilly said noticing I what I was looking at.

"How did that go?" Oliver asked.

"Aright I guess. Dr Stone – my psychiatrist – told me that suicide is never the answer. We then had this huge talk about feelings etc."

"Did it work?" I asked, my curiosity taking over.

"I guess in a sense. We really dug deep and got to the root of my problem." Lilly said.

"Do you think you will….you know?" Oliver asked looking worried. "Now that you've had a nice little chat?"

"Who knows what the future may hold? A couple of years ago I was happy and then that all changed. You can never tell."

"So what you're saying," I said, my voice getting higher and higher. "Is that you are going to try this little stunt again?"

"I didn't say that. I just said I might." Lilly said.

"Lilly-" Oliver started.

"No, I got this." I said.

I turned to face Lilly, I've wanted to burst ever since I found what Lilly was trying to do and now I've got my chance.

"Lilly don't you realise that none of the reasons you stated are actually true?"

"Miley-"

"NO JUST LISTEN!" I roared. "You can handle Damien, you're friends aren't going to desert you and your parents love you. In my dream everyone was broken at that fact that you killed yourself. You wrote in your diary 'Will they be happy I am out of their lives?' How could you even think that we would be anything but broken and weak? You say we're oblivious but really it is you who is. You didn't see that you were the one breaking not the world around you. There are people who love you and will miss you if you decide to end it. So please Lilly consider the fact that the world is not what it seems. It is not your fault that Damien went off the deep end and that your Dad's girlfriend is a wacko. Oliver and I are grateful that you are our friend. Oliver deeply loves you and that he said no because he didn't want to damage your friendship but he regretted saying no. You see Lilly; all that you think is not what actually is."

Both Lilly and Oliver gaped at me through-out my speech. Lilly was speechless. I guess I have that effect on people. Lilly seemed to think this through. She looked at the book in her hand. I saw the page she was looking at. She was up to Chapter 12: Accepting and Trusting' I could almost see the cogs in her brain working as she deciding what to do. I'm guessing one side is saying "Trust Miley, she has never let me down in the past." And the other is probably saying "She's just lying to keep you here, so she can make your life even worse now." I'm praying she went with the first choice and not the latter.

I held my breath as Lilly finally looked up and looked me in the eye. So many thought were going through my head. Was she going to accept my speech? Or was she going to reject it and decide to end it for good?

"You're right." Lilly said at last in a small voice. "I have been stupid in thinking the things I have been thinking. Of course it's not my fault that Damien and Dad's girlfriend hates me. I didn't do anything to deserve it."

"Of course you didn't." Oliver said suddenly.

"How could I have ever thought that my two best friends have gone against me?" Lilly continued, smiling.

We smiled back; glad that some sense has been talked into her I guess Lilly isn't going to leave us any time soon. She will probably have a long and healthy life free of any evil thoughts that she may be having.

"Can you ever forgive me for doubting you?"

"Of course!" I said smiling.

"And for me thinking that I had to end it to be truly happy?"

"Yes!" said Oliver and with that he kissed her.

Lilly kissed back, glad that her wish had finally come true. It was truly a happy moment for her. I felt a bit like Harry when Ron and Hermione were kissing at the Battle For Hogwarts but I, unlike Harry, didn't interrupt them. I was glad that Lilly had finally had some happiness in her life, that there was a light in the darkness.

And so then I realised why I had that dream. It was to warn me of what might have happened if Lilly had decided to take the blade and slice it across her wrist. I, of course, already knew that, but it was much deeper than that. It was to get Lilly to realise that she wasn't alone in this world. In my dream I had been chasing for the pieces to the jigsaw that was Lilly's suicide and now I have them all fitted together. Everything fitted at last.

**A/N: Nearly finished. Only one chapter left after this one. I actually finished this while watching Prince Caspian (it was on TV) LOL. So please review. =)**


	21. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **Nope, no, na-ah, don't think so, not a billion years etc etc

**Epilogue**

It had been a year since Lilly's attempted suicide. Everything has improved since I found Lilly in her bedroom with a knife on her wrist. Lilly still sees her psychiatrist but now only once a week. Apparently she has made huge progress in the lessons. This has been a real relief. A lot has happened since that awful night and I'm proud and happy to announce that they have been all good memories. Lilly and Oliver are soon to celebrate their one year anniversary soon. Oliver has informed me he booked a romantic boat ride under the stars while they're having dinner. Sounds perfect to me.

Lilly had informed me one Thursday afternoon as I came in after school to say hello, that she had finished all the self-help books and that she considering writing one herself. She managed to get to page three of chapter 1 before she was distracted by her laptop. I guess that book will never come. Although I seemed to found a file on her computer labelled 'My Self- Help Book.' Lilly had apparently gotten up to chapter fifteen. I had to admit it. I was impressed. Guess that book _will _come.

Jake and I still very much together. I had to fill him in the whole story. He was really shocked when he found out what had happened. Still, he was very supportive (kinda like how he was in my dream). I love him for that.

Damien was sent to jail for drug abuse and for assault. He wasn't allowed bail which Lilly, Oliver and I were grateful for. Lilly's Dad broke up with his girlfriend after how she treated Lilly. According to Lilly, her Mum and Dad have had a few sleepovers together. That made me smile.

Lilly got out of the hospital a few weeks later. Apparently she had caused more damage than she thought when she cut her wrist. She now has to wear an arm brace to keep it supported. Lilly only complain once when we had PE. I was telling her that she was very lucky but Lilly keep complaining all the way to class. Lilly nearly cried when our teacher told us that we would be playing some really fun games like Octopus. I nearly collapsed laughing at the look on Lilly's face. She sent me the most evilest glare she could and I shut up at once. Thankfully Lilly didn't notice Oliver's face which he was trying and failing to keep straight. I nearly collapsed again.

However one of my favourite memories after the accident occurred on a bright and lovely Tuesday day. I was sitting in History with Oliver on my right while Lilly was on my left. For the first time in ages, all three of us were happy. It was a really good feeling, I almost felt like I could produce the world's best Patronus.

The day started like any morning. We had a good time in biology with Ms Kunkle – even she can no longer get me down. I actually laughed when she said we had a test that would count for 30% of our grade. Everyone looked at me weirdly when I did. But I didn't care; I had my best friend sitting next to me.

That Tuesday was like any ordinary day but that's the point. I now fully appreciate all those ordinary days because they can turn around and do a 180 on you. Perhaps you win the lottery or maybe you end up finding the truth about your best friend and saving them. Yeah it's a good feeling.

Whether it is passing Lilly in the hallways, seeing Lilly and Oliver act all cute, doing an assignment with both Lilly and Oliver, it doesn't matter what it is because now, all those little things that I use to find annoying or significant, suddenly became a major part of my day. I know that sounds weird but it feels good to appreciate the small things in life.

I guess Lilly's attempted suicide has had its ups as well as its downs. One of them would definitely be that Lilly and Oliver had finally gotten together but the other one is that Lilly and I are now a lot closer. Lilly now tells me everything. Although Oliver and I secretly fear something will happen that every time that Lilly comes to us in a bad mood or says that she has had a bad day/class etc. However that fear died down within weeks when nothing actually did happen.

She has even shown me that diary she has been writing in. When I first looked at the entries – Lilly said I could read the diary by the way – I flipped instantly to the ones that I had in my dream and you guess it! They were the same. Freaky huh?

I'm now going to take my dreams seriously because you never know where they might lead. They might lead you to driving to your best friend's house at 9:30 in the morning to stop her from doing something they may later forget. Yeah, life's a rollercoaster ride as my Dad says. I just say life's insane.

Oliver and I finally had that party we had been planning for months. Lilly seemed to have a good time. She was seen partying, dancing, swimming and chatting to all the guests. I'll always remember what she said to me at the end.

"Thanks Miley, for everything you have given me." She had said.

At first I thought Lilly was going to do something but after she grinned and gave me a slap on the back, I finally realise those days are definitely behind us now. It was fantastic knowing that. It made the fact that exams are only a couple of weeks away, seem like they were light years away.

Lilly had gotten her arm brace taken off later that week. She fully celebrated the use of both arms by having a skateboard match with Oliver. Lilly nearly broke the same wrist twice but she didn't care. She was also the life and soul of the basketball team in PE (our teacher had said we were going to do basketball which I groaned at but Lilly gazed at me in pure delight). Although I had managed a new personal score of only tripping five times and only falling down once.

Lilly's happiness was more noticeable than ever. Sarah actually came to me a couple of weeks after Lilly had been released and asked why she was so happy to which I responded with a laugh and saying "I guess Lilly's found true happiness in herself at last." I walked away with Sarah looking at me all puzzled. I laughed at her expression. I guess I will never forget the support that Sarah had given me in my dream.

One day in early August, approximately a year after the incident, I walked all the way to Lilly's on a nice Saturday morning. I knew I should be doing my homework but who really cares what happened years ago to a bunch of people?

Lilly was sitting in living room, watching a movie while eating a bunch of popcorn. From the front window I could see that she was watching Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince. I could see Lilly yelling something at the TV. Guess they must have made a 'mistake' or 'differences' as Jackson puts it. I always roll my eyes at that. Jackson prefers the movies over the books, this would always result in him having a screaming match with Lilly over which is better with me backing into the corner of the room and then sprinting out through the door. Yeah life is not only insane but weird too.

Lilly soon spotted me and I could see that she had this huge grin plastered all over her face. She raced to the door and let me in.

"Come on in!" She said waving me in. "Nearly finished my movie."

I laughed; I was so happy that Lilly was truly happy now. We spent the whole day just spending time together. In this past year I felt more connected to Lilly than I ever had. I guess it's just over the last couple of years that Lilly had been quite distance and down and now she's all happy as Larry. It is definitely an improvement.

"Lunch girls!" Mrs Truscott called from the kitchen.

Lunch was spaghetti toasted cheese sandwiches – my favourite. Lilly's dad was there too. Her parents had made it official several months ago. I was really glad that they were back together. I guess Lilly's attempted suicide had brought more than two people together. It was good to know that some good had come out of something so sad. As Lilly was talking all about our plans this weekend – apparently I had agreed to go to the museum with her- that it struck me. Life maybe crazy, it may be weird, it may be hard to understand but it can be good. It can also do a 180 on you and change your life forever. Who knows where life will take me next?

**A/N: So it is finally finished! YAY =) I really hope that you have enjoyed this story and the way I decided to finish it. I think now I'm going to finish off my Three Words Can Change Everything story - but it may not be finished due to exams =( I lothe exams! So anyway please review your final thoughts.  
I would like to know: what you thought of the story, how you thought about the ending and just general comments.  
Thanks for everyone who had reviewed some awesome comments. I appricate them all =) **


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